Once, during a workshop, a male attendee said that he had found a woman smiling at him,” says Pria Warrick, a Delhi-based etiquette trainer. The man assumed that because the colleague flashed him a smile, she was interested in getting to know him and ‘game for it’. “It may have been just a friendly gesture, or even a polite one,” says Warrick, adding that this is a classic situation leading up to a misunderstanding. Warrick conducts gender sensitisation programmes in the capital to help male professionals understand how their actions, even if innocent, can be perceived as offensive by women around them.
She and other corporate trainers across Indian metros have a task at hand, considering the number of sexual harassment complaints registered at the workplace, including those that have hit national headlines as in the case of Tehelka editor Tarun Tejpal and former Supreme Court judge A. K. Ganguly.
We got trainers to discuss three classic situations, and highlight appropriate behaviour in each.
Sharing sexually explicit jokes
Priya Kumar, a Mumbai-based corporate trainer, says forwarding emails with sexually explicit humour or discussing such jokes around the coffee machine, is a big no. “What might be funny to a man may not be for a woman. There are of course, different contexts in which a woman might find something funny and choose to take it in the spirit, but you’ll be taking a chance anyway.”
Kumar, who recently conducted a gender sensitisation programme at a city-based MNC, says, a female worker who receives such an email is likely to wonder about “the meaning behind it”. “Imagine a situation where a male colleague or senior has lauded this woman for a great job, and followed it with a sexually explicit email. She could end up questioning his intention,” adds Kumar. One should be especially careful when dealing with a colleague who is new to the office and may not have warmed up to colleagues.
The pat on the back
The casual touch — a pat on the back or placing a hand on the shoulder while walking into a meeting — seems normal, especially in the modern scenario where women and men are comfortable around each other. But unless the woman is your old buddy, it’s best not to.
The ground rule, says Suhail Gupta, managing director of the city-based Ideas Management Consultants, is to keep your hands to yourself. While the concept of personal space is missing in Indian culture, it’s best if we enforce it at the workplace.
Kumar agrees. “You can express yourself well without having to touch someone’s arm.” The idea is to work equitably and confortably.
Flirting
While most professionals, say our experts, tend to remain formal during work hours, the situation unfolds differently after-hours or at office parties. “Socialising is part of office culture, but men must be sensitive to the difference between say, giving someone a compliment and crossing the line. A stylish, slightly provocative dress and friendly banter over drinks may not mean that she takes sexual relationships casually. In such situations, both experts suggest men reach out to their inner gentlemen and handle the situation sensitively. “Be protective of her,” Warrick adds. Enjoy each other’s company without invading into the other’s space.
It would do well for seniors and employers to ensure that women employees are offered a drop home after office parties, so that they aren’t compelled to rely on male colleagues for a lift. “If they choose to drive back together, it’s fine. The difference is that everyone must be offered a choice.”
Teetering to the other extreme, and staying away from female colleagues altogether in order to avoid ‘trouble’ is unreasonable, too. Women aren’t ticking time bombs, and there’s no reason for a lady to raise hell if she’s feeling safe.
Author: Gitanjali Chandrasekharan
