India, the land of culture and colour is also, in a way, the land of chaos. Not just the kind where there are huge crowds that you have to navigate to reach the end of a lane, but the kind that makes life a bit harder and more difficult. So if you are packing your bags and leaving on a jet plane to India anytime soon, or even if you are a true #BleedBlue Indian, you need to glance through this 2015 travel guide to India, that will solve many unanswered questions and make your desi life a little bit easier.
We are primarily a vegetarian country: Or so says Chef Sanjeev Kapoor who hosts a vegetarian version of the global Masterchef. So if your foodie soul craves a bit of beef and some spare ribs, then India clearly isn’t the place to be. Unless you want to risk angering the ‘Indian values’ and indulge in butter chicken only.
Don’t eat chowmein in India: In the wake of many rapes in India, Haryana Khap leader, Jitender Chhatar says, “To my understanding, consumption of fast food contributes to such incidents. Chowmein leads to hormonal imbalance evoking an urge to indulge in such acts.” So if you are man tread carefully and if you are a woman don’t hang out with men who eat Chowmein in India.
Non Hindus won’t be entertained: ‘We will free India of Muslims and Christians by 2021′ Dharm Jagran Samiti has this on their must-do list, and mind you, they are taking it very seriously. So along with your visa to India, we think it might be advisable to carry along a religion conversion certificate.
Be very, very careful of what you say: If you happen to meet a member of the Central Board of Film Certification (CBFC) and for some reason you use the word ‘lena’ or ‘dena’ in front of him, chances are you’ll face a court trial. The newest list of words banned in India is out and you better adhere to it.
Pack sarees for your trip: Because jeans – or any other western clothing – lead to rape. As per a village head in Bihar, “Women should avoid wearing jeans to prevent rape, as western clothing denotes sexual availability.”
Avoid having sex in India: If you still insist on having sex, and if you are a woman, you can be killed. Why? Because Abu Azmi says so. “Irrespective of consent any woman having sex with a man should be hanged.” We don’t know if this includes married women; but don’t take any risks. Just don’t have sex. Period.
Do not travel with your mobile phone: Especially if you have rural tourism on your map. The Brahmin Samaj of Muzaffarnagar district in Uttar Pradesh has declared that they, “Girls should also not use mobile phones, as these are things that provoke criminals to assault them.”
You can have a budget as low as Rs.12 a day in India: Your visit to India will barely cost you anything. Apart from accommodation you won’t have to shell out more than Rs.12 for food, Rs.5 if you are staying in Delhi. Congress spokesperson Raj Babbar has said that it is possible to have a “full meal at Rs. 12 in Mumbai” even today. Rasheed Masood, another Congress leader went ahead and claimed, “You can eat a meal in Delhi in Rs. 5, I don’t know about Mumbai. You can get a meal for Rs. 5 near Jama Masjid.”
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