She is a picture of steely strength, iron will and undying grit. But take a second glimpse, a more focused one and you will know that behind every smiling face there is a dusty layer of melancholy. We are talking about Jyoti Dhawale – a woman who fought every challenge that life threw at her. Be it speech and hearing issues (due to a childhood accident), three abortions (because of a husband who was not ready for a family or the more disturbing event, when she was diagnosed HIV+. But Jyoti fought it all.
Jyoti was only three years old, when she lost her hearing ability, in an accident, and she was diagnosed with bilateral sensorineural hearing loss. “I can hear sounds with decibels of 80 and above. That is equivalent to the hoot of a railway engine. I follow conversations face to face through lip reading. Otherwise, I strongly rely on the written word for communication. Also, I suffer from certain speech defects. I cannot pronounce letters like C, X and S. Not just me, any person with this hearing disability will have a problem in pronouncing certain alphabets, and even following them,” she explains.
Nothing dampened her spirits. Following in the footsteps of her father, she aspired to be a fighter pilot. “I wanted to fly a plane, touch the sky and cover myself in glory. From childhood to my growing up years in the Air Force camp, the drones of fighter planes used to send goose bumps down my spine. How I love these mean flying machines.”
But Jyoti was way too practical and she realised that her disability wouldn’t allow her to pursue her dream. “My disability shattered those dreams. But I don’t regret that anymore,” she adds.
When she met her first husband, he seemed like a breath of fresh air in her life. They fell in love and got married. Life seemed perfect till Jyoti got pregnant. Her husband didn’t want the baby and asked her to abort the child. Jyoti was heartbroken, but didn’t have a choice.
Every time they got intimate, she would urge him to use protection but he never did. “I asked him why he couldn’t use a condom. His answer was ‘I don’t like it’,” she shares. Jyoti has to undergo three abortions. She tried vaginal contraceptive, but it failed on her because it needed 10 to 15 minutes of waiting time. Oral contraceptive didn’t suit her body.
In 2007, when she went to get her fourth abortion, Jyoti’s world came crashing down – she was detected HIV+.
Her husband was also told to undergo a blood test, around that time, where his report came out to be negative. To Jyoti’s dismay, it was found out to be a case of medical negligence (In one of those three abortions), which put her in this situation. During this phase of time, she was given the “choice” to carry on with her pregnancy or to abort the baby. Though her husband preferred the latter, Jyoti went ahead with pregnancy. In due course of time, a baby boy was born to them, via C-Section, healthy and HIV Negative.
But soon after, her husband pressurised for a divorce. That’s when she saw the other side of him – and living under Domestic violence abuse. Maybe it is because of the fear of HIV, or maybe because of the fear of the society, or maybe she couldn’t play the role of wife, mother and daughter-in-law better as she was struggling and coping with her own post-partum depression along with the news of being HIV positive, their relationship was getting strained by the day. She was physically hit and beaten to sign the papers. “The divorce was a mutual decision, but it was not true. I was never called to court, never placed before the judge. He forced me to sign the papers. I was financially and emotionally dependent on him” She adds.
He managed to get the custody of the child, but she is still fighting for visitation rights.
To keep her finances afloat, Jyoti joined an IT firm and also started spreading awareness about AIDS and HIV. Jyoti was determined to change people’s attitudes towards HIV.
Soon after her divorce, life gave Jyoti a second chance to find love and that too in a chat room. Her current husband Vivek Surve, who is HIV negative, sent her a chat request several times. After a few initial rejections, she accepted the request. Their initial chats were monosyllabic, limited to ‘hello’ and ‘hi’.
In 2011, Jyoti lost her father and that’s when Vivek stood by her. “He drove down all the way to be with me, emotionally and physically.”
Eventually, love blossomed; they dated and tied the knot. “Vivek is the best thing that could have ever happened to me. His presence in my life has brought out the best in me. My second marriage made me what I am today.”
Jyoti is now associated with NGOs like Beydaar (Pakistan) as an Ambassador, The Well Project (USA) as Community Advisor Board, The Sitma Project (Usa) as an Ambassador. She is constantly working to spread awareness about HIV empowerment.
Jyoti’s story reminds us that nothing in life is permanent, even if it’s sorrow and misery. She is a hero and we applaud her for seizing the bull by its horns and marching ahead.
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