The Badaun sisters’ case just took a new turn. The complete Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI) report of the evidence gathered by the investigating agency has been submitted in court which states that the death of the two girls (15 and 14-years-olds respectively) wasn’t a gangrape but suicide. The girls had called Pappu Yadav (one of the accused) to a nearby field. The elder of the two was having an affair with Yadav, and was founded half-naked in the field by their uncle, Babu Ram alias Nazru. A scuffle occurred between him and Yadav after which they rushed off in opposite directions. The girls “ashamed about being found out, committed suicide,” reads the report.
Since the case is sub judice we really wouldn’t want to draw any conclusions. However, there are a few facts that scream out ‘hoax’. A dummy experiment conducted by a group of foreign journalists last year, had around 10 young girls climb the mango tree from which they both were found hanging. None of the girls could reach the height from which the two were found.
The CBI report however points to a faulty post-mortem report which was conducted by doctors in UP. “The menstrual blood of the younger girl was mistaken for blood from sexual assault. Moreover, discoloration in the genital area of the elder girl was opined to be due to sexual assault, but was actually because the bodies stayed hanging from the tree for 12 hours,” said the CBI official, adding that the agency will send a report to the UP government on these lapses.
While we stay away from forming opinions in this case, the sad part is that this is far from being a rare crime in India. If we for a minute believe the CBI report and reflect on the cause of the suicide – shame for being in a sexual relationship, it just shows us a harsh mirror of the Indian attitude that we continue to sport disguised under words like ‘culture’ and ‘tradition’.
We’ve been known to sex shame women and in this we, I include myself. Go back and reflect on how you reacted when you heard about a friend or a colleague or a relative who was possibly in a live-in or who got pregnant before marriage or who generally admitted to having sex! Although we quite well change our stance as we grow older and wiser, we’ve all had that quick one moment or maybe a nanosecond flash, when we hear the word sex, unmarried and woman together and form a judgment.
It is that very minuscule spark that I wish we’d address. And that spark has deep-set roots in the Indian psyche. I remember my mother telling me about puberty when I was 12 I think, and that too right in the midst of a family chai time session. And the surprising part was that I didn’t cringe at that time. I guess I didn’t know that sex, puberty included, were not topics that could be discussed freely in the Indian household. However, I think my mother was quite ahead of her time. Because we, my brother and I, didn’t grow up in an environment where sex was a taboo; there were so many discussions we could have with our parents without any embarrassment. And I am so glad I had them with my mother rather than get half baked knowledge from friends, porn movies and the newest invention back then, the Internet.
The reason I cite an incident from my own childhood is because we tend to assume that talking to our children about sex is just going to lead to drastic events. A recent Times of India poll shows that almost 78 per cent of Indian parents avoid talking about sex with their children. And this includes discussions about puberty, sexual preferences and safe sexual practices. This lack of knowledge that we as kids grow up with is what sets the foundation for how we view sex all throughout our lives.
It’s amazing that we still manage to sweep it under the carpet then. Sexual education in schools is a joke in India with the closest that we get to sex is half-baked, embarrassing talks about puberty by a teacher who isn’t open to any discussion after the session. Also let’s not mix sex education with sexual relationships. Talking to your child about safe sex, consent and relationships will not make them go out and have sex the next day. No, it will rather turn them into responsible adults who know the meaning between consensual sex and rape. Between leching at women and respecting them. The difference between being an offender and a saviour!
Image courtesy: BCCL
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