I am sure you are quite traumatised after reading the story of the young woman Dr Priya, who committed suicide, unable to put up with the emotional torture of her husband who was cheating on her. This is very news-y, not because her husband cheated on her and drove her to the point of suicide, but because he cheated on him with another man. I wonder how we would have reacted if the man had cheated on her with another woman. In my view, that would have got zero media attention.
Post the suicide, within seconds, my twitter feed was filled with messages, some bordering on homophobia, some blatantly homophobic. Everyone was thirsty for the blood of the “the cheater gay husband”. Many of them didn’t miss the chance to generalise the entire LGBT community. “These gay people are a threat to the society” said my co passenger in the train to his friend while reading the news in the newspaper. I wasted no time in intervening with a “Hello Ji, sorry for eavesdropping, I travel everyday by this train. I am homosexual. In what way do I cause any threat to you?” He didn’t expect someone to intervene like that. He retorted with “are you married”, and I responded coyly “not until I find a suitable guy”. The passenger softened his stance from “gay people are a threat to society” to “SOME gay people are a threat to the society”. Our conversations lasted till we crossed two more stations, where I had to explain how gay people are normal people; they are good and bad and get happy and sad like everyone else. I hope that when we pulled out of that station, his train of thoughts got on the right track.
Priya with her husband
Priya’s suicide has re-opened the debate on philandering partners. I wonder if the pain she went through would have been any different if her husband lied to her and slept around with other women just as he did with a man. So the issue is about a man cheating and emotionally assaulting his wife, to an extent of driving her to suicide, not about the gender of the person the philandering husband slept with. Irrespective of whether it was a man, a woman or a transsexual, the guilty should be punished. In my opinion, irrespective of the man’s sexuality, if proven guilty in the court of law, the law should take the right course and reprimand the guilty in a way that serves as an example to other men who get into loveless weddings to please their parents or the society.
That said, with specific reference to Priya’s suicide Facebook update, I would like to state as a gay man in free India, that the society does push people into the closet. As someone who has been involved in counseling, I can say, that incidences of homophobia may be lesser in cities like Mumbai, but as you move up north, you get to hear stories, as many stories of homophobia as you do of misogyny. I have heard stories about how gay men are shoved in dark rooms, beaten up and also threatened with death when the families discover that they are gay. Well, it is easy for people to say “Come out! Have the balls to accept your sexuality”. But at ground zero, the scene is really challenging. The least that such people could do is not get married. Be independent, get out of their paternal pads, and live independently in a more accepting city. And before finding an accepting city, accept yourself for what you are.
If you are stuck in a difficult situation, please Google a little, there are grass-root organisations like The Humsafar Trust that even reach out to individuals like me who are everywhere on social media. Please reach out and we will be happy to do what we can do best. It is okay to sit on the fence, what’s not okay is parachuting into a marriage and screwing up the woman’s life.
Image courtesy: Facebook
More On >> Work & Life
