At work, it often feels like if we don’t say yes to everything, we will end up being labeled as lazy or disinterested. In a recent survey by accounting firm KPMG, 86 per cent of women said that, as children, they were taught the importance of being “nice” – far fewer said they were encouraged to share their opinions. Somehow, that lesson has had an imprint on our psyche. But is being nice holding us back? Here are 5 signs that you are not being assertive enough at work.
1) You find it hard to say no.
Do you find yourself saying “yes” to every other request that comes your way, especially when your co-workers walk up to you like you might be their only saviour? This might eat into your time, making you realise that you might have taken on more than you bargained for! Maybe you even think that kind of “can-do” spirit will be noticed and appreciated. And you tell yourself this, right until the moment you don’t get the raise you were hoping for!
2) Your slaving away goes unnoticed.
You only have a limited source of energy, and it is better spent focusing on your work! You want to be known as a great CEO, spokesperson, go-getter or whatever your job demands. Not as a great cook (unless that’s your job) or fill-in receptionist or office mom. There is a difference between hard work and smart work that gets you noticed.
3) You find yourself doing office housework.
People don’t get high-profile projects, win promotions, or make a name in their field because they planned office parties or remembered all their coworkers’ birthdays! Too often, women find themselves being the ones to take notes, clean up the kitchen, order lunch, and do other care-taking work, while their male colleagues in similar roles get to focus on doing work that’s more highly valued!
4) You feel guilty while setting up boundaries.
If you feel like you are doing something wrong by declining other’s work, or standing up for yourself in a tentative way. Be clear that it’s okay to warmly but unapologetically decline. Ask yourself if powerful people in the organisation do these tasks. Do the people who do it advance? If the answer to questions like these is ‘no,’ then you probably want to dial back and not give into people’s demands – especially if you don’t enjoy it.
5) You prefer likability to leadership.
Part of being successful is learning to speak up for yourself and ask for what you want; that’s a leadership skill your boss will appreciate, even if it’s intimidating to initiate. There are different reasons women worry about likability. Some feel trapped by the need to be likeable, which can be super limiting. Once you learn to say “no,” it’s also important to encourage others to make a change. These cultural shifts are imperative and make the workplace a better environment for everyone. In the end, you can be nice and still stand up for yourself.
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