A married man hitting on a single woman is no longer as shock-inducing as it used to be; at least in conversation. Every second woman you speak to has been hit on by someone with a wedding band around his ring-finger, who’s tried to sweet-talk his way into her life without worrying about the consequences of wrecking not one but two women, emotionally.
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While the tricks of the trade may quite possibly be switching up with the times, the cliche “I never thought I could love anyone this way” has got to be one of the hits among the many misses. Pun intended. Ugh! Time to hire a scriptwriter, guys… these lines are so redundant!
Obviously, when they try to pull off something like this, there has to be some groundwork and research that ultimately informs them of how big a risk is involved in this wild adventure that they’re seeking… and so, they mostly start out by trying to evaluate a woman’s psyche. While some resort to bitching about their perfectly lovely wives, others might be brazen enough to pitch the idea that being in love with two women at the same time is very possible. And of course, who can blame a man for being too ambitious, right?
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Then the classic itinerary follows – he does things to convince you he’s the missing puzzle piece in your life (and is most likely reeking of narcissism that you must accept) – you fall for the bait – and it’s all flowers and kisses until the Mrs. finds out. However she catches him, once she does, you’ll see a side of him you never thought existed. His first defense mechanism? To throw you under the bus, of course! Now come on, did you really think he was going to say, “I met the love of my life and I’m moving out?” Hell no! Suddenly you’re the ‘crazy homewrecker’ who had his vulnerable heart at gunpoint. Well, atleast to his wife.
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Before you know it, you’re pressured into feeling guilty for something you didn’t initiate and you’re responsible for someone else’s marriage.
Why women rarely hold their husbands accountable for having an affair and not the ‘other woman’ is an occurrence with complicated reasoning. However, none justify the ‘other woman’ being subjected to hurt, shaming, anger and disdain. Neha Banik, Msc Counselling Psychology from 1to1Help.net, shared, “These situations can be complex because of the different personality traits that bring out different reactions and emotions. However, what needs to be understood is that women need to step back and hold their spouse accountable for bad behaviour instead of blaming the other person involved. If it wasn’t her, it would be someone else. When you blame someone else, you’re basically conveying to him that it’s not his fault. You’re telling him he can’t help himself. You’re training him to believe it’s expected of him.”
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Partners often blame the ‘other woman’ saying she should have refrained from it because she knew he wasn’t single. On that, Banik says, “In that case, what about the man making the decision to cheat, knowing he is not single? These women aren’t holding weapons to their heads to make them cheat. He is an adult and has made the choice to step out of his marriage and do it. He knows the possible repercussions well. Whenever a partner holds only the other woman responsible, she is showing the guy that she rather hold a stranger accountable for her heartache and pain than the actual culprit.”
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People go to wild extents to run from what is uncomfortable. It’s not their fault and it’s not yours either. Love has turned us all into liars.
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