On my way home from a friend’s birthday party in Gurugram, I had a chatty cab driver. Jovial sort of fellow; quick to laugh. It was a long ride into Delhi and there was traffic, so we had time. All was going well until he asked me if I was married. I told him I have a boyfriend. He then advised me to get married and “start a family”.
Me. A complete stranger. He had no idea how old I was, that I had been married and am now divorced, and that all this was really none of his business. But, this is India where politics and young people’s lives are out in the open for everyone to discuss.
What is a family?
The internet is flooded with posts captioned, “friends like family”. It’s a heartwarming thought–that you have friends who stand in for actual blood family. Especially for those living away from home, your friends become your lifeline and support system.
So, why do we insist on defining a family as a heterosexual couple who have spawned children? A family should be redefined in today’s modern world where we all live such atomised existences. In big cities, droves and droves of young people live without their blood relations because they’ve left them behind in their home towns. If family only truly meant two heterosexual people and their offspring, imagine the loneliness that would engulf working professionals the world over.
Let’s not forget global warming and climate change. Many young people are making a conscious decision to not have children because they fear that the earth cannot take any more people. Not having children reduces one’s carbon footprint. This is actually one of the most selfless traits I have seen in today’s generation. We are not being “selfish” when we choose to not have children. We’re actually being considerate–of those already around on this imploding planet and of the planet itself.
Family is love and support
A family is a support system that is around for an individual through good times and bad. Through Saturdays full of tequila and the following Sunday replete with hangovers. A family is someone you can turn to about your deepest shame and your most difficult problems. A family is love and support.
Using this new definition, a family can just be two people. Best friends. A couple. That couple could be heterosexual or not. It could be a woman and her pet dog. Love and support come in all forms and from unexpected places. Your work colleague could turn out to be your closest confidant.
So, as much as I love my partner and I do eventually see children in my future, I don’t believe that we are not already a family. My boyfriend, my cat, and I are already a family.
The world is changing. A lot has changed already. Family has changed too. So hug your best friend, your partner, or your pet when you get home today and remember–they too are family.
