Have you ever been in a relationship where your guy keeps implying that he’s your knight in shining armour, who has made this grand entry into your life, so he could save you from all the evils of the world? Well, guess what? Your man could quite possibly have what is known as ‘Saviour Syndrome!’ Yep, that’s actually a thing! Whether it’s your anxiety, your career that seems to be on a decline, your health and fitness, loneliness, a money crunch, a family issue – he believes he is the answer to everything. However, before you start to believe that he indeed is God-sent, an angel in disguise, take a step back and process what we’re about to tell you.
When a man wears the mask of a ‘saviour’ in a relationship, trust that it has much more to do with his desire to feel good about himself, than his desire to help you. It’s paradoxical, because “saving you” makes him feel good, which is really what he’s after. It’s a method to seek validation that he’s enough -Enough to fill the void, and to feel that he’s the missing piece that you desperately need. In simple words – he’s using you, girl!
Now we understand why you might not see how he’s “using” you by helping you, but here’s the deal. Being a saviour requires a victim, which means, the minute you find yourself getting out of a situation that may be bringing you down, with or without his help, he will find a way to create a new problem or help you to recognize/activate one’s that you didn’t even know you had. And that vicious, contradictory cycle is obviously anything but healthy for any relationship, right?
Dr. Sara Benton, an expert in clinical psychology, who is based in Virginia, USA, had once revealed: “A saviour complex is a psychological construct which makes a person feel the need to save other people. This person has a strong tendency to seek people who desperately need help and to assist them, often sacrificing their own needs for these people. Hence, these types of people are identified as “nice guys,” but the truth is emotionally healthy men will never have a compelling need to seek that kind of validation. That itself should be an alerting sign.”
Though your childhood might have you inclined towards believing the fairytale narrative of a prince on a white horse, swooping in to rescue the damsel in distress, it’s imperative you see things as they are in the real world, and realise, that these kind of relationships are nothing but toxic. The only way to break free of such a relationship is by accepting that the problematic (and cinematic) belief that saving someone is always romantic needs to be done away with. If “saving you” is the only driving force behind your relationship, we’re sorry to break it to you – it will fail.
A strong, healthy relationship involves two people who are moderately, if not wholly, self-assured and self-sufficient. Your partner is supposed to add to your self confidence – not become it!
So the next time you come across a guy who is trying so hard to save you, ask yourself, “Do I really need saving?” Step back and remember, the dreamy prince may win your heart that’s full of (potential) distress, but shouldn’t the foundation of your love story be firmer than just circumstantial convenience or masochistic ideals?
