Sex is supposed to be a thrilling experience. Yet, what stage of hot, horny or happy does one need to be in order to forgive bad sex? Since boring, unpleasurable sex has no redemption, we took to the internet to find out what’s the craziest experience they’ve entertained. The answers we found on a specific Reddit thread are what nightmares are made of!
1. Vain pain
“So there was an older, Jon Hamm look alike bartender at a restaurant I worked at. After a break up I ended up going home with him after we all hung out downtown. He had his own place, and an old cat he got in his divorce. His body was insane. He had this huge dick, which is fine who gives a shit right. But with his looks and his big cock, sex was him laying back no foreplay and an attitude of “uhh you’re welcome.”
We never talk about the night again. Turns out he was casually dating another waitress at the restaurant. Oh great. She obviously knew, and she was still pretty nice to me after. Like they weren’t official I guess, but that wasn’t a great feeling. Especially after such mediocre sex. Man was he beautiful but boy was the sex unimpressive”
—via @IamAGodABit
Credit: Giphy/Rabbids
2. Consent, anyone?
“A guy that I recently hooked up with started choking me (to the point where I couldn’t breathe), slapping my ass and face, and jamming his fingers in my mouth without permission or consent in the middle of sex. It was really horrifying and humiliating.
I didn’t ask him to stop because I sort of froze. After he finished I asked why he thought it was okay to do that without discussing it first. He said that since I said I’m submissive, he is allowed to do what he wants to me since he is a dom.”
—via @AnxiousFluffBunny
Credit: Giphy/Friends
3. Foreign student problems
“While I was studying abroad, I went home with a fellow American student who lived in my neighborhood. He smoked a cigarette before we left and his mouth tasted like nasty smoke. Then, the pants come off—he had the smallest penis I’d ever seen in my life. He flops around on top of me for about two minutes before the condom falls off, and he demands for me to get another one. I tell him no, I’m not enjoying this and I don’t want to waste another condom. Infuriated, he storms off, not before calling me a psycho and spitting on my laundry.”
—via @LadyDece
Credit: Giphy/TLC
4. Came too quick?
“This one time I decided to give a chance to this mediocre looking guy who I knew was crushing on me for a long time. Cut to us making out on a friend’s couch and I feel as though my thighs are feeling wet. Find out this fucker has already cum and is now begging me to stay as he will “get hard soon again”. Thank you, next.”
—Anonymous, writer, New Delhi
Credit: Luminary
It looks like bad sex is quite universal. Yet the question inevitably looms, can you train someone into mindblowing sex? In their podcast ‘Guys We F****d’ on Luminary, comedians Corrine Fisher and Krystyna Hutchinson discuss the many perils of this meticulous attempt in the episode titled, ‘How do you train a lover?’ If you’re reading this with the thought, “sis, same”, then this podcast is pretty much the answer to your curiosity.
Lead image credit: Yash Raj Films + Vishesh Films
