It’s not every day we bump into a man who has all the right moves, can locate your G-Spot like that’s what he was born to do, and can enable orgasms that give you a glimpse of heaven. So when we find someone like that, we keep them. We sometimes keep them despite the fact that that’s all they’re good at making you feel – aroused and pleasured… in that order. However, are you willing to be bound to a man who only has great sexual skills in his list of pros? And even if you are, how long do you think it could last?
If it is only sex that is fuelling the relationship (or situationship), conventional wisdom states that they are most likely destined to part ways in the future. More so, if the guy is problematic. Rochelle Alford, Senior Psychological Counselor at Bangalore based counselling service 1to1Help, said: “I have so many women coming to me with the same issue. They are dealing with partners who either give them the best sex of their lives or grief and stress. Nothing more, nothing less. And still, they hold on to these relationships, enjoying the ups and downs (mostly in the sheets) and for the rest of the time hoping, that magically things will change and there will be more than just erotica… but that rarely happens.”
Assessing relationships like that can be tricky, because there are certain cases in which couples show steady progress over a period of time. However, the majority of these couples head towards heartbreak and sometimes even trauma, according to Alford. “While good sex may make you feel fulfilled in the moment, it’s undeniably a fleeting feeling. That’s why; people who are in such relationships may notice that as soon as the moment passes, there is no other common ground. While he may seem like THE ONE in the bedroom, he’s definitely not even close to being the one you see yourself with in the long run. Especially if he’s a complete jerk to you otherwise… insensitive, over possessive, plain boring or whatever!”
While sex could be the main reason we hold on to an otherwise crappy relationship, sometimes the problem could also lie in the way we view our self worth. To quote from The Perks Of Being A Wallflower, “We accept the love we think we deserve…” Sometimes, that’s why we settle for a relationship that’s as little as the time-frame of an orgasm. We make an adjustment in our heads and tell ourselves that whatever we’re getting is sufficient. Somewhere we believe and accept an either-or circumstance – great sex or great love, because having both would be impractical, wishful thinking.
Rochelle added, “I want to tell all women that that is not true and that such a compromise is not necessary. They need to understand the urgency to shift their focus to love over lust… only when they’re looking for something serious, of course. If you look for love in a place that is incapable of holding it and keep living on a prayer that things will get better, you’re simply going to be disappointed. If you’re just looking to have fun then these rules don’t apply… by all means, go forth… without expectations but…”
To sum it up ladies, though your man may be giving bringing his A-Game in bed but is not someone you fancy pre and post sex, and if at the end of the day you’re sure you want something more – it’s time to pass the baton. At some point, everyone needs love; a connection that encompasses all levels of your being. When you find THAT, hold on to it relentlessly. And hey, you never know… he could always turn out to be the (better) Flintstone to your Bedrock!
