On the last day of school, I was a hopeful 18-year-old. The world was just opening up. Of course, we did all the clichéd things–we played Vitamin C’s ‘Graduation’ song at the farewell party, we cried buckets, we signed each other’s shirts, and we promised to be “friends forever”. And we meant all of it.
Then, we went our separate ways. Some stayed back to do college in Shillong, some, like me, left. I ended up going to college in Delhi. The year was 2010. It was the Commonwealth Games, the Congress was at the height of its power, and India was walking into a new decade with hope. I felt the same way too.
I’d go home to Shillong for the holidays, meet the friends I had still kept in touch with, and be back in Delhi to what I was increasingly seeing as my “real” life. It’s been 10 years since I left. I’ve kept in touch with two people from school. That’s it. A grand total of two.
Moving away from my hometown taught me a few life lessons when it comes to friendship. Some were liberating, some painful.
You can’t be friends forever
This was the hardest lesson of all. As close as your relationships are in school, not all will stand the test of time and distance. Each time I came back home, one or two friends wouldn’t make the list of people who came to catch up. The get togethers started getting smaller and smaller. The topics of conversation became fewer and fewer.
Our views on things suddenly became starkly different. Shillong is primarily a Christian place adhering to Christianity’s moral rules and codes. Studying English as an honours subject made me question just how accurate the values I grew up with were. This is where the break really began. What I saw as my friends’ conservatism, they saw as my intellectual arrogance.
In the end, it dwindled down to the two friends I have now. The three of us managed to weather the storms of different ideologies, distance, and crazy fights. But we were always around for each other. We still are.
Growth is not linear or the same
We all seem to think that growth is a singular thing. That there is only way to grow once you attain adulthood but that’s not necessarily true. I grew into a person who saw independence, being feminist and a socialist as the ideal growth curve. Some of my friends saw clearing competitive examinations, getting married, and having children as their ideal growth curve.
Both curves are equally valid. They just might not necessarily make for the best of friendships. Sometimes, people make the effort to bridge that gap. Sometimes, they don’t. And that’s okay.
Moving away from the people I grew up with taught me one important thing–that it’s okay to let go. Even if you thought you never would.
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