Relationships are hard. But you know what’s harder? Dealing with a break up. Those of us who go through this lethal event in life believe it’s the worst thing to have happened.
Until, of course, you read other people’s accounts. Here’s our learning: Just know that no matter how bad it was, there’s always going to be a story way worse than yours.
Don’t believe us? Go through these mind-boggling break up stories of real people and (once upon a time) real couples. And yes, welcome to the heartbreak club.
1. “She broke up because I cheated on her in her dream”
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“My ex dumped me because she had dreams of me cheating on her but in reality I wasn’t cheating at all. She would spend the day being a total bitch for something I never did. She would give me the cold shoulder and she won’t let me hug or kiss her. Eventually she dumped me and claims the dreams were reoccurring so it has to mean I’m cheating on her.”
2. What are first dates when you’re already dating?
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“We broke up shortly after I found ‘what to wear on a first date’, ‘what to talk about on a first date’ and ‘moonlight hayrides’ in his google searches. He claimed he was out with ‘the boys’ and denied cheating. The other woman blowing up his phone at 4 am proved that was a lie.”
3. Atithi, tum kab jaoge?
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“This is a long story, which I do a disservice to by abbreviating it so thoroughly, but a friend of mine once brought her cousin to a party at my apartment. The cousin spent the night, and we hooked up. It should’ve been a one night stand, but for one reason after another, she kept not going home.
She ended up staying at my house for six days. When I finally brought up the subject of her going home, she burst into hysterical tears, and screamed, “YOU’RE BREAKING UP WITH ME?!” I had been, until that point, entirely unaware we were “dating”. As far as I was concerned, she was a party guest that hadn’t gone home yet.
4. Not just a terrible GF but a terrible human
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“She refuses to give back pictures from my mom’s funeral. It was the first time my family had been together in more than a decade. And my mom was fucking dead. Terrible GF.”
5. Pissed, literally!
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“He got blind drunk, sleep-walked and pissed over my entire make-up collection. I woke up, shook him awake mid-stream, he accused me of lying, ran out and I never saw him again.”
6. Deep, real deep
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“Alright, so this occurred during my Junior High years. Just think of early awkward preteens. Anyway I’m riding the bus home with my ‘girlfriend’ and we were awkwardly holding hands and then her stop comes. She looks at me, grabs my other hand, kisses my cheek, says, “you are a cage, and I’m a bird. This is over.” And then she walks away and that was the last time I conversed with her.”
7. A romantic comedy plot right here…
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“I never actually broke up with my first grade girlfriend, but I assume it would be awkward if I showed up at the house she shares with her husband and two kids looking for some affection.”
8. How far would you go for your ex’s attention?
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“Lied and said he killed a homeless man in order to make me sympathise with him that he was so mentally hurt by the break up.”
9. Nothing worse than losing your journals
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“He read all my diaries and burned them. I had left them in our storage locker. For months and months I was freaking out because I couldn’t find my 20 years worth of writing. I got a picture of a fire pit and text after text of stuff I had done and written about.”
10. That’s a crime!
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“After I blocked his number, he bought about 100 prepaid SIM cards so he could try to contact me (I kept blocking every single one of them). Every week he would sit in his car at night and watch my house. This went on for about four years, even after he got married and had a daughter.”
Most of us go through a rollercoaster of emotions after a break up and it’s alright to take your time. After all, “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”.
But, my friends, things we just read above are not normal. And if you think these people must have been nuts, we suggest you tune in to this amazing Luminary podcast, ‘Guys We F****d’, which has an entire episode discussing the ghosts and traumas of relationships past. It’s called the Drunk V-Day Special: He used your duvet as a diaphragm, where the hosts and stand-up comedians Corinne Fisher and Krystyna Hutchinson discuss their break ups and exes.
If you want to share your story or know anyone whose account wins the title for ‘worst breakup ever’, feel free to share in the comments below.
Lead image credit: Eros Now Music, Viacom 18 Motion Pictures
