Like a lot of modern couples in love, Rahul Jaswal and Ketan Bajaj’s story, too, began with a swipe. Nearly five years ago, these two individuals merely saw each other’s pictures on their smartphones and swiped right. That one lucky swipe led two people to commit for a lifetime and never look back.
From navigating familial issues to dealing with one’s sexuality, this Bengaluru-based queer couple had their shares of ups and downs. They spoke to iDiva to dispel lesser-known gospels on what it really takes to make a queer relationship actually work.
It all began with a swipe
Credit: Rahul Jaswal and Ketan Bajaj
Ketan and Rahul found each other on a dating app, Tinder, in 2018, when neither of them were looking for long-term commitments. Both avid cricket lovers and Bollywood fanatics bonded instantly – “It was quite unexpected. We both had ended our previous relationships and were not really looking for anything serious on dating apps. But fate had other plans, and we matched on Tinder. We started talking and realised that we shared many interests and values. We decided to give it a shot and met face-to-face. That’s how our relationship started,” the couple said.
Dropping the ‘B’ word
Credit: Rahul Jaswal and Ketan Bajaj
It is said that, in the event of an unforeseen relationship crisis, breaking up with someone is easier than staying. Of course, the nuances differ on the basis of circumstances but walking away, sure, seems more tempting than resolving conflicts.
After meeting Rahul several times and almost a year into the relationship, Ketan did not know he would come face to face with one of his significant fears – dating a bisexual man. Ketan found himself at a crossroads in his relationship and was forced to make a decision that would change the course of his life.
Ketan said, “One of the biggest challenges I faced was when Rahul came out as bisexual. It was a shock for me, and it brought back a lot of old fears and insecurities. I felt angry, hurt, confused, and scared. I kept wondering, ‘How could he do this to me?’, ‘Why did he hide it for a year?’, ‘Can I ever trust him again?’”
Navigating biases against bisexuality
Credit: Rahul Jaswal and Ketan Bajaj
Ketan spoke about his qualms against dating a bisexual man. Eventually, he decided to choose love and dive head-first into this relationship. He spoke candidly about confronting his fears, biases and insecurities. A little moment of courage and understanding made him take a leap of faith and learn all about his partner’s sexual orientation.
Ketan said, “I was tempted to end the relationship, but I also loved him too much to let him go. You know how they say love makes you do crazy things? Well, it made me confront my fears and biases. I started educating myself about bisexuality, trying to understand Rahul better. I realised he was different from my ex. He was honest and loyal, and he chose to be with me. His bisexuality was not a problem for us, it was just part of his identity. Fast forward to now, I’ve embraced Rahul for who he is, a bisexual man. And guess what? We’ve been together for over five years. So yeah, love does work in mysterious ways.”
Misconceptions about queer dating
Credit: Rahul Jaswal and Ketan Bajaj
Even though the awareness about sexual orientation and sexuality has increased in the last decade, the masses still have a lot of misconceptions about same sex or queer dating scenarios. Rahul and Ketan’s journey proves that sexual orientation encompasses more than an individual’s sexual preferences. Their story is a testament to the power of love and it conveys that, with an open mind and little understanding, you could open the door to the happiness you deserve.
Speaking about the misconceptions in queer dating, Rahul and Ketan said, “A ridiculous myth people have about same-sex dating is that it’s just a temporary or voluntary thing or a choice. They assume that same-sex couples are just unsure or curious or experimenting and that they will eventually settle down with the opposite gender. This is completely false. Same-sex dating is not a fleeting or deliberate thing, it’s a natural and valid way of expressing love and attraction. We are simply listening to our hearts and being honest with ourselves.”
“It is hard to fight for our basic rights as same-sex couples”
Credit: Rahul Jaswal and Ketan Bajaj
Apart from their internal struggles in the relationship, the same-sex couple also opened upabout how they navigated discrimination and lack of acceptance when it comes to basic rights.
They said, “People don’t realise how hard it is for us to face stares and discrimination in public places just for holding our partner’s hand or to fight for our basic rights as same-sex couples. We face challenges just for opening a joint account in a bank or for naming our partners as nominees in any legal document. They say food, clothing, and shelter are basic human rights, but as same-sex couples, we have to struggle a lot for these three things.”
From dealing with familial differences to accessing rights available to straight couples, Rahul and Ketan spoke about a major step they took towards normalising queer relationships at the workplace.
“One of the most significant moments was coming out at our workplace and enrolling each other in a health insurance plan provided by our respective employers. Coming out at our workplace was a big challenge for us, but it happened when my co-workers were signing up their partners for health insurance and I approached our D&I head and told him that I also wanted to sign up my partner (I mean Rahul) and he was very supportive and helpful,” the couple added.
Rahul and Ketan’s two cents for queer couples
Credit: Rahul Jaswal and Ketan Bajaj
Rahul and Ketan have been together for more than five years and have recently bought an apartment in Bengaluru for themselves. When we asked them what it took to reach this point in their lives, their response was something we already knew but also absolutely true — “Communicate openly and honestly with each other. Communication is a vital part of any relationship, but especially for queer couples who may face unique challengesand stressors in our society.”
They added, “By talking to each other about your feelings, needs, boundaries, and expectations, you can build trust and intimacy, and avoid misunderstandings and conflicts. Communication also helps you to support each other and cope with any difficulties or discrimination you may encounter.”
Social and lead images credits: Rahul Jaswal and Ketan Bajaj
