Falling out of love with your partner is never a conscious decision. Here you are spending your days doing the regular stuff and piling on the fights–when it hits you: you’re just not happy anymore. BAE is no longer into romantic things, the excitement has transformed into a routine and the apologies are never enough.
There’s however a much longer process of actually breaking up after the realization comes knocking. You’re confused, guilty, scared, and everything in between–because you’re most likely to take the whole situation as a burden on yourself. Like dumping the trash but home girl here trying to be the trash can. All of it is not going to fit, sweetie, you can try.
Since we’ve all been there, done that–here are four things you should be thinking about when you know love is holding onto its last straw like our collective breaths before Deep-Veer dropped their shaadi pics.
1. Accept it!
The first step of the process is to admit to yourself that you no longer love him. Anything before this stage is toxicity on a loudspeaker. When you don’t admit to the fact that you’re just not into him anymore, you tend to take out a lot of your frustration on him unnecessarily. Why didn’t he call you when he hung out with your common friend? How come he’s free on Friday this week, when usually he’s not? Small things keep adding up, until the pile ain’t so small anymore.
2. Okay? Not okay
If you’re already at this step of the process, then congratulations–you’re further than everyone else already. You know you’re on stage two when you’re okay with being not okay. Being out of it can be painful in any which way you take it–but the important part to remember is that it’s fine to fall out of love. You cannot feel guilty because things didn’t work out this time. Or maybe even the last time. It’s not your fault, not your guilt to marinate in. If you’re sure that it’s not a phase anymore, you’re golden. Keep the sadness for a rainy day.
3. Love thy self
Getting to the decision itself can be so nerve-wracking; you need to love yourself in the process to fall back on. You might not have enough pyaar to give everyone else, and that’s scary because it might mean you don’t have enough love to give yourself. That’s when the problem starts. If in the aftermath you end up hating yourself, you’re not winning darling. Get a grip on yourself, pour some green tea, and listen to some Coldplay on loop– get some lovin’ going.
4. Take some time off from love
It’s been a hot minute since you finished a major chapter of your life. It’s not the cue to go fishing again, that too within a day or two. By fishing, we mean Tinder-ing away to glory. Take some time off, understand your own mistakes, and faults as well. It can’t all be just a one-sided affair: there’s so much to learn, you can give coaching classes at the end of it. Don’t start looking for love as a replacement to you feeling like shit. You’re better than those who need to desperately find themselves in other people.
