Have you noticed how some women struggle hard and long just to come to terms with the fact that their relationship with the supposed ‘love of their life’ has ended. Then there are others, who seemed to have mastered the art of moving on and letting go like nothing ever happened? Well, I have! And it’s intriguing and bloody awesome, to say the least.
Breakups are never easy, and each individual has their own coping mechanism that helps them get by. Just imagine a world in which you don’t need that, because you are gifted with the ability to deflect pain, and cancel any emotion that isn’t good for your well being. Doesn’t just the thought of that make you feel all giddy with joy? So what makes them so different from the stereotypical damsel in distress, who eats a tub of ice cream while sobbing to her favourite rom-com post breakup? Let’s find out…
According to famed psychologist Jeanette Raymond, who is based in Los Angeles, people who get over breakups easier than others have two very distinct attachment styles – secure and fearful. According to the expert, the first kind is the healthiest, and those who experience it as infants, tend to develop a solid sense of self, with no or minimal trust issues. This trait, allows them the ability to separate and begin from scratch, without much damage, as they feel they deserve better. In her study on women who are perceived as “strong” and “competent” by those lacking this skill, she said, “They just don’t see it as the end of the world.”
Moving on to the other kind, those who exhibit ‘fearful’ attachment are also able to wriggle out of any feelings of post-breakup depression or lows, because to them, attachments aren’t comfortable. Raymond explained, “They are less intimate and more distant in the first place. So when the break up comes, it can be almost a relief, tinged with sadness. But they are safe and in control.”
Apart from our brain chemistry, much of how we discern relationships is biologically driven, and our reaction to it will vary, based on our temperament. Raymond added, “Some temperaments are hardwired to seek out attention and emotional connection with others, while some temperaments are hardwired to be more independent and isolated. People with temperaments that thrive on emotional connection will very often have difficulty getting past a breakup and often get stuck in a lovelorn state, while others that are wired to be more independent can move on more quickly.”
Last but not the least, another reason why some girls find it easier to “get over it,” is because of a variation in genetics. Dawn Maslar, the author of Men Chase, Women Choose: The Neuroscience Of Meeting, Dating, Losing Your Mind, And Finding True Love revealed in her book: “Some women don’t bond as much in a relationship, making it easy for them to withdraw. You need to have the receptors for Oxycontin to bond with. Therefore, it can make individuals with a variation in the receptor or the receptor gene not as strongly bonded. The effects of Oxycontin are important, particularly for women.”
So the next time you gape in awe at your “super cool” friend who seems absolutely unaffected by the proceedings of her split, you’ll know where it’s coming from.
