Marriage is a big commitment to oneself, your partner and the immediate families. However, you might spend years courting someone without knowing their view on some fundamental things that are non-negotiable for you. Perhaps you’ve steered clear of challenging or potentially sticky issues or the romantic in you hasn’t given way to more practical considerations.
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In fact, it’s trickier for people going through matchmaking avenues with families involved. They get swept up in the excitement of the prospect of having finally met their one and forget to breach topics that truly matter.
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We got MatchMe co-founders Mishi Sood and Tania Sondhi to suggest some questions to ask your partner that are intimate and sometimes awkward, but will spark honest discussions and possibly give you the clarity you seek before you put a ring on it. Read on.
1. What are your life goals?
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For example, do they want to travel the world or do they dream of retiring early and leading a quiet life. How does that match with what you want in life?
2. How is your relationship with money?
Ask them how much they would spend on a handbag, a car or a watch. It might give you an idea if they are financially responsible or spendthrifts.
3. Do you see children in your future? If so, do you think you would be an involved parent?
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More and more people today want to either delay having babies or not want one at all, while it can lead to a big void if denied to someone who really wants kids. If both do want children, will both parties take turns to coo the baby to sleep at night and change diapers?
Raising a child can be overwhelming while juggling home and work responsibilities and it is important to let your expectations be known and understand their point of view in this regard.
4. Do you see yourself living with your/my parents?
There might come a time in your life when you would need to take care of your parents owing to ill-health or old age. Or you probably just want them to be close at all times. It’s important your partner understands this and is ok with it.
5. How do you feel about religion and faith?
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This will define what festivals at your home will look like and what your kids might learn. Do they respect your point of view and can you respect their beliefs are questions you need to ask yourselves.
6. What are your career aspirations?
Do their aspirations and your career goals match? Will they collectively add up to make the life that you have envisioned so far?
7. What motivates you in life?
Do they value material things in life or are emotional? Are they going to be potential work-a-holics or will they choose to balance their lives? Where does family life feature in their list of priorities?
8. How do you envision dividing home duties?
Will you spend your life tidying up after them or will they be true partners in building a beautiful home? After all, it is the small things in life that you do together that nurture the relationship.
9. Did your family throw plates, calmly discuss issues or silently shut down when disagreements arose?
Disagreements are a natural part of any relationship. How you choose to disagree is what’s important.
10. What is your love language? Do you like thoughtful gifts, surprises or grand gestures?
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Affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch are the primary love languages. Is kissing your partner goodbye every day before leaving for work important or ensuring you plan their birthday bash like a carnival? Knowing what they truly value and need to feel loved can go a long distance.
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