Possessiveness is considered attractive in small doses because to most women, it acts as a reminder that the guy they love is highly attentive and concerned about them. Understandably, during the initial stages of a relationship, glimpses of this behaviour seem cute and desirable. And hey, it’d be unfair if we didn’t give those men a special shout-out, who seem to have mastered the art of perfect balance. That includes superstar Ranveer Singh, who once claimed on the Koffee With Karan couch that he was possessive towards (then) girlfriend, Deepika Padukone, but “Only for effect!”
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Moving to the other end of the spectrum, there are some men who know no boundaries of possessiveness. In fact, they sometimes go as far as becoming dictators in their partner’s lives, telling them what to wear, where not to go and who they are “allowed” to talk to. Let’s reiterate here – While in the early days of a courtship, one might be led to believe that it’s all coming from a place of love, the illusion soon disappears and you realise that your better half is in reality your bitter half, with insecurities that could very well be detrimental to your overall relationship and personal, mental well-being.
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Without a doubt, overly possessive men (the kind who get jealous if another man even looks at you or creates a ruckus if someone were to bump into you on the street by mistake) are dangerous. If you’re wondering why, it’s because the collateral damage is more than you can imagine. It’s a process. First, they approach a woman, who according to their assessment is likely to be submissive or someone who can easily be molded. After exercising what psychologist Martin Seligman had coined as “learned helplessness” (the theory that states how human beings begin to associate one thing with another, in this case, control with love and endearment), they begin to creep into their lives, and become an overpowering force, which is literally the definition of an unhealthy association.
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They’ll find faults in your friends and sometimes without even you realising it, will eat away at your friend circle. They shake your confidence and make you second guess your capability to be independent. It almost seems like they enjoy arguing with you over the littlest of things – and don’t be surprised if you find yourself becoming an obedient, brainwashed lover.
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Healthy, long-lasting relationships are more about partnership than ownership. In life, there are many subtle and not-so-subtle ways people attempt to control their better halves as a means to calm their own emotions, especially those of insecurity and low-self esteem. However, feeling connected to someone and fearing that you might lose them to another person doesn’t mean it is okay to act entitled and exert power over them. In fact, it has time and again been proven that if anything, attempts to exercise power over our partners serve to reduce our attraction towards them. Why? Because whenever we try to “tame” our loved ones, what we’re actually doing is trying to change who they are as a person – something nobody enjoys in the long run.
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If you relate to any of the above, it’s imperative for you to find a way to discuss this with your partner and prevent this from going any further. Losing control of your right to live your life the way you want to is too big a price to pay for any relationship. You can do better, ladies… you know it!
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