Ignorance is not always bliss, and this is often proven to the people in the Queer community. A lot of friends, family members, and well meaning community people often say the most offensive and insensitive things because they are simply ignorant.
We talked to some Queer people and they shared the most offensive things that some of their closest friends and colleagues have said without understanding the pain it caused them.
1. It’s not a compliment
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“I am trans and most people can’t tell that I am. However, when they find out, a lot of people, some very close to me, say the same thing. ‘Oh wow, you don’t look trans.’ What is a trans person supposed to look like? Is there a rulebook or fashion guide? I know they say it in a very-well-meaning way, but offhand comments like these can dehumanise us and reduce us to just one aspect of our lives.”
– Anonymous, 28
2. Don’t tell me what I am
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“I gathered the courage to tell my best friend that I am a lesbian, but all they said to me was, ‘that’s not possible, yo’re too hot.’ They probably thought it was a compliment, but it truly wasn’t. When I told them that I was definitely only attracted to women, my friend kept insisting that I was probably bisexual, not ‘completely gay.’ That was messed up.”
– Anonymous, 34
3. Let’s not talk about before
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“A lot of my very close, very supportive, very amazing friends will still say things like ‘when you were a guy’ or ‘before you were a woman.’ I try not to let it bother me too much, but there is definitely an internal cringe when it happens. I just don’t have the energy to correct every single thing that every single person does, but it is one thing that gets to me.”
– Anonymous, 40
4. Don’t ask about the bedroom
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“One of my male friends, fully supportive and and ally on paper, often asks me about gay sex. He slips it in nonchalantly, or makes offhand comments about what happens in the bedroom. It’s not appropriate to ask a straight person about it, and it’s not okay to ask me about it. There is a strange insensitivity that comes when two women are involved with each other, and I can’t understand what makes people think that it is okay to ask about intimate details.”
– Anonymous, 23
5. Your belief is not my existence
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“My friend of many many years said that she supports and accepts me identifying as bisexual but that she doesn’t actually believe that something like that exists. That one hurt, because I thought she would be on my side.”
– Anonymous, 20
Queerness comes in many shapes and forms, and it is absolutely not okay to judge, criticise, or put people in a box because of their sexual orientation. Even if you mean well, an insensitive comment can cause irreparable damage to a person’s psyche, so it is always important to educate yourself before trying to be an ally!
This queer month, let’s try to be more sensitive, open-mided, and kind. After all, we’re all humans!
Social and lead image credit: Instagram/lilly
