Countless articles have been written on how Hollywood and Bollywood would have us believe that love is the be-all-and-end-all of all romantic relationships. We’re constantly fed the idea that marriage is going to be a lifetime of butterflies in the stomach, great sex, and declarations of love.
It’s amply clear now that marriage is not that. There are definitely moments where you feel butterflies in your belly and the sex is great, but that’s not always the case. Now, the big question is: what is marriage about?
I’ve been through a failed marriage and I can tell you what that taught me about the institution.
Companionship
Marriage is about having a good companion. Don’t believe Instagram posts and stories that show romantic getaways, fancy restaurants, and sparkly diamond engagement rings. People only show the best part of their lives on social media.
They will never show you the fights that happen behind-the-scenes or the long hours people work in order to be able to afford that fancy lifestyle. The most important part of a marriage are the moments outside of social media, when you’re curled up in bed binge-watching Netflix, grocery shopping together, or just quietly sitting side-by-side without talking.
All you need in life is a companion who loves, supports, and is around for you. The big gestures are great, but it’s the mundane constancy of someone who is always around that is the best thing about marriage.
Prosaic everyday things
Speaking of the mundane, marriage isn’t poetic. Marriage is prosaic, messy, and imperfect. Imagine a life where someone sees you at your worst. When you wake up in the morning with no makeup on, your hair standing on end, and you’ve drooled all over the pillow. And then picture someone who sees that everyday and who loves you even more for it. That’s marriage.
The building blocks of marriage lie in doing the mundane together–cooking, doing the laundry, vet visits for a sick pet, grocery shopping, and fixing things around the house.
It’s easy to love someone when you see them at their best–dressed to the nines at a party where the alcohol is flowing and everyone is having a good time. It’s not so easy to love someone when you see them everyday and in all states of emotion.
To have someone who is willing to do that with you until they are old and grey is a blessing. So, don’t expect your marriage to be about lavish vacations to exotic locales while gorging on gourmet food. It’s not. Marriage is about companionship. Love, in its purest form, is a slow burning fire that warms you. It’s not an all-consuming fire that burns you.
