Many women feel betrayed when they find out that their partner watches porn. They express feelings of disgust, revulsion, and betrayal. Many equate their boyfriends or husbands watching pornography with cheating. They ask themselves, “Am I not enough? I can’t compare to a porn star. I hope he doesn’t expect me to perform similar acts.”
While these are all valid concerns, the real question is, is watching porn really such a bad thing?
Social and cultural conditioning
Psychologists believe that a large chunk of women who believe that pornography is bad think so because they have been socially conditioned to see it as morally wrong. Speaking to a leading publication, Rachana Awatramani, a counseling psychologist at Insight Counseling Service in Mumbai, says, “I would recommend that you reflect and understand what you are feeling and why are you feeling weird. It can be due to culture and traditional values and your personal beliefs.”
While there has been research to show that men who watch porn might be more likely to be violent and/or misogynistic, the results are not conclusive. There may be a correlation between the two but not causation.
Research done by professors from Wayne State University and Purdue University came to the conclusion that for men with misogynistic attitudes, watching violent pornography (specifically violent material, not all pornography) does seem to increase the risk of violent behaviour. However, the researchers also concluded that this effect appears only in a small group of men, around 7 per cent, with no apparent effect on 93 per cent of males.
Communication is key
This is where you have to do the uncomfortable thing: actually talk to your partner about why they watch porn. Do it when you’re sure both of you are relaxed and ready for a heart-to-heart. Having an outburst when you find out he is watching porn is not going to help your situation.
In many cases, men just enjoy the entertainment of watching porn. A lot of women watch porn too. It does not mean your partner values you less or thinks that sex with you is boring. If he hasn’t asked you to behave like a porn star or perform pornographic acts, he probably doesn’t expect real-life sex to be like that.
Many times, men withdraw from having sex with their partners for other reasons. It’s not necessarily because they’re addicted to porn. It’s disrespectful to you and your relationship if this is the case and he has not spoken to you about what is bothering him. So, having an honest conversation might help your relationship.
Porn addiction
That being said, a porn addiction, like any other, is not good for anyone involved, be it your partner or you. If your boyfriend or husband is addicted to watching pornography, consult a professional therapist and work through it.
Until then, watching porn isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Just make sure you have an open and honest conversation about it.
