Porn is more than just a medium of release when horny. It is, in its own way, a work of art. But there are reasons why people in a relationship can feel insecure if their partners indulge in too many visual pleasures despite their physical presence.
Several studies also point towards infidelity stemming from unhealthy porn addiction. In one study, from the University of Florida, researchers found that men who regularly watched pornography were more likely to cheat on their partners. The study was published in the Journal of Social, Psychological and Personality Science and it cited earlier research that found similar results.
However, this is just one side of the story. People use porn as a means to tackle sexual frustration in long term, as well as long-distance, relationships. Trying to stay neutral on the topic, we asked 10 people – five male and five female – what their views are on porn in the space of a committed relationship. All of them fall between the age bracket of 24-30 years.
1. “In-between situations will always create a problem”
Being stimulated by the aesthetics of porn is very easy and natural. Even if you are in a committed relationship. So while it is alright to watch porn when you’re feeling particularly horny, there has to be a certain degree of communication attached to it. Like catching your partner watching it while you’re in the room or around would not be a great situation because then it would feel like we’re not doing enough to satisfy them. It needs to be done privately or together, in-between situations will always create a problem.
-Srijoni
2. “Fantasies and kinks could be very well interpreted as problematic”
So, I believe I’m very experimental and fluid when it comes to sexuality and watch porn fairly regularly to help myself. So I have absolutely no problem with my partner watching it too. It could be a problem if my partner was addicted or completely dependent on it to get off but fantasies and kinks could very well be interpreted as problematic because of their ambiguous nature, so I guess it’s subjective? For me, if he knows how to balance his need for visual pleasure and actual intercourse, it’s good enough for me.
-Neha* (Name Changed)
3. “A lot of people strangely call that cheating but I think it’s cool”
I don’t think so! I think both the people in the relationship should be able to watch porn on their own or even better as a couple. A lot of people strangely call that cheating but I think it’s cool and helps make their sex better.
-Shivani
4. “My partner and I even share links with each other”
I think it’s okay till it doesn’t get obsessive and isn’t your primary source of arousal. It should be normalised, it’s just a mental simulation. For my partner and I, when physical presence isn’t always possible and we are turned on it’s okay to resort to porn to get simulated. We even share links with each other of things we think the other person will like, or even if something we think we should try in bed. However, I haven’t faced it personally but I know if my partner gets obsessed with it, I won’t like it.
-Riya*
5. “ Porn should be an enabler, not a hindrance”
Porn should not be a hindrance to your sexual experience with your partner. It should be an enabler. For experimentation and exploration. But someone who excessively faps to porn would be less excited about sex with their partner. And would also have unrealistic standards about beauty and what’s normal and expected in bed.
-Sameer*
6. “Trust me, frustrated couples are the worst”
Porn has always been one of those kind plumbers who come home to fix the tap. I believe watching porn is totally justified in a relationship. Though it makes you imagine a lot of things when you’re just looking at the pillow while making moves or having a discussion with an aunty in a park but it also helps to be self-satisfied and being happy when you’re not getting any action. Trust me, frustrated couples are the worst. But this doesn’t justify that you watch porn in front of your partner.
– Abhishek
7. “It’s not a deal-breaker … Everyone does it”
It’s not a deal-breaker … Everyone does it. Just watching porn is not a problem at all. The issue is that whoever consumes it should take it with a pinch of salt instead of trying to apply it to real life, and there are many reasons for that, from the dominant male gaze in mainstream porn to the lack of attention paid to female pleasure. Also, watching porn can limit your approach to sex and condition you to mirror the acts you frequently watch. So it’s better to not watch too much or you’ll only be doing that in bed. It’s great for inspiration from time to time though, not going to lie.
-Stuti
8. “It’s actually a great way to get all your weird kinks out”
Porn is never a deal-breaker. It’s actually a great way to get all your weird kinks and desires out, at least digitally.
-Aaron
9. “Watching regular porn does set unrealistic sexual expectations”
For me, just like most things in a relationship, even the porn bit has a lot to do with how comfortable the other person is with it, i.e., the kind of dynamics I share with her. However, according to a study, I read, watching regular porn does set unrealistic sexual expectations which can lead to disappointing intimate interactions – so sure, that’s there. For me, it’s a mutual understanding and a bar can only be set by the two involved. Setting a bar before a relationship doesn’t work.
-Vishnu
10. “Porn is the bread and butter of long-distance relationships”
I think this is a great topic to ponder upon. My girlfriend and I have been in long-distance for close to 2 years, with short breaks of togetherness in-between. I would say our only way to satiate ourselves sexually is through porn, we occasionally do try to be interesting and send each other explicit content, but how long will you keep up with that?! However, the more porn we watch, the more we move away from reality and the more we talk about stuff that is projected on the screens than it is real. I think porn is great but only till a certain point, after which it becomes toxic, even in relationships.
-Sean
Looking at all the responses, it does look like the “millennial generation” sees porn as a part of their lives and not just a problem. They also seem to bring up the fact that porn can come off as a problem if indulged in too often. But the line here of “often” is blurred and no one wants to tread down that path of “what if” in their relationship based on porn-viewing habits. At least not these 10 people.
