If there’s one term from the modern dating lingo that makes a lot of sense today, and regrettably so, it’s ‘ghosting’. It’s happening a lot more than you think, and it’s happening to a lot of us. For the unversed, ghosting is when someone suddenly ceases all forms of connection without any explanation.
We reached out to Ms Divya Mohindroo, Counselling Psychologist and Founder, Embrace Imperfections, to help us understand that feeling of confusion, hurt and anger and most importantly, to share how to deal with it.
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Types Of ‘Ghosts’
According to our mental health expert, there are four types of ghosts or people who resort to ghosting:
1. The avoidant ghost
This refers to a person who runs away from anything that is difficult.
2. The lazy ghost
Think of a person who can’t be bothered with anything hard, including behaving normally.
3. The mean ghost
As the name suggests, this is a person who doesn’t care about the feelings of others.
4. The half ghost
This type of ghost would be a person who likes multiple options.
How ghosting can affect our mental health
Ghosting is hurtful as it triggers a person’s fears of being abandoned and leaves them with a lack of closure. Many people start believing that the reason they were ghosted was because they weren’t worthy of love. This creates immense amounts of self-doubt and triggers memories of emotional neglect.
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Physical and emotional pain are actually on the same neutral pathway. Therefore, rejection causes the same level of pain that an injury does to your body, as it gets activated in the same region. As Mohindroo shares, “There’s more to the issue of ghosting than what we see on the surface.”
Why do people ghost?
Nowadays, there is a general loss of empathy in people which has been exaggerated by social media. Mostly, people who ghost have themselves been ghosted in the past. People who ghost most likely have an avoidant attachment style — they might find it challenging to be vulnerable and intimate. Such people attempt to protect their inner child as they don’t want to get disappointed by getting too close to someone. So, they like to create a wall.
People who are ghosted tend to have an anxious attachment style. They have feelings of inadequacy; sometimes, they end up becoming a people pleaser and grow up walking on eggshells. This also means that they sometimes attract narcissistic people who tend to ghost them.
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It’s not you, it’s them
To break that pattern of being ghosted, heal your inner child and know that you are enough. It’s important to realise that there are many reasons why relationships fail and it will do you no good if you fall into a cycle of self-blame and guilt.
The best way is to protect yourself from the beginning — do not ignore the red flags as those are the reasons relationships end and sometimes, cause ghosting. One must always follow their instincts and understand that ghosting is sometimes a deliberate choice that people make to protect themselves in what they perceive to be wrong relationships and friendships.
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Coping with ghosting
Here are some ways to deal with your feelings if you have been ghosted:
1. To recover after being ghosted, it is very important to accept your feelings and indulge yourself in acts of self-care.
2. Practice mindful meditation to allow yourself to empathise with your emotions.
3. Seek professional therapy if you feel you need someone to regulate your emotions. It will provide a safe space to you.
4. Surround yourself with people who support you with honesty.
5. Practice compassion and try to change your negative narrative with positive self-talk.
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Once you heal, you will realise that if it was meant to be, it would be. Moving forward, always remember that when something hurts us, it’s not a reflection of us but a reflection of the person who couldn’t handle being normal.
Lead image credit: UTV Motion Pictures
