Some good boys are just bad boys who’ve learned the game. This story is testament to that. So, what really happened?
Rishabh* and I met on Bumble in Delhi. A lot of you are already judging me but hear me out. His cheeky responses piqued my interest. No doubt, the face that went with them wasn’t all too bad either. Soon, we were meeting regularly on weekends, planning movie dates, and having a lot of sex. The good part was that it was all so easy. There was never any mind-numbing effort that needed to be made–we just ‘got’ each other from the beginning.
This continued for almost four months. However, from the start, I had made it clear that I would be moving out to Pune at the end of the year following a promotion at my then-current job. It was already decided, there were no two questions about it. Perhaps it was my mistake not to clarify what the future of this relationship looked to me or maybe assholes are just assholes. However, when the time came for me to leave, Rishabh was still there. Every. Single. Day.
On the dating front, we always faltered when it came to taking a conclusive decision. It was always, “Oh, I wish things would change” or “I really want you here” which would immediately melt my heart. I never doubted him, neither did I deny to myself how much I cared. In my defence, I never considered the distance between Delhi and Pune to be that big anyway. At least, it’s not a distance that can’t be covered via non-stop flights that most online portals give a thousand discounts for. Sure, we won’t meet as frequently but it wasn’t a complete absence either. Rishabh didn’t feel so, perhaps.
Nearly two months later, I had to fly back to Delhi for some work. Rishabh and I were still actively texting, Instagram-ing, and all that. There were even a few “I miss yous” that I couldn’t ignore. Even though my work swamped my entire life, there were moments when I truly did miss him.
After I landed, I went straight to his apartment. To my surprise, homeboy was entertaining another woman in his living room. Visibly startled, all he could do was fumble through a few incoherent words followed by a number of frantic hugs. It was all super dramatic. The other girl also seemed super confused. Then we had a chat.
So, what’s his side of the story?
After hearing him out for an hour, I finally got some clarity. Rishabh was going on dates again and this was one of them. It infuriated the s*** out of me. Instead of trying to be sneaky, he could have talked to me–if it was a break he was looking for, I would have been happy to oblige. He explained how he actually did and continued to care about me. It was just that getting into a long-distance situation after being previously cheated on had filled his head with fear and anguish. Plus, I had not even given him an approximate time of return. He felt like I would not make any sacrifices for the relationship compared to my work which, TBH, was very true.
On why he didn’t choose to confront me, he apologised a thousand times. At least he tried to but I didn’t give him the response that would put him at ease. Neither was he apologising whole-heartedly. Somewhere between the shouting, tears and “sorrys”, I kinda understood his point too. I didn’t forgive him, didn’t change my decision of actually, really breaking up, didn’t fall for his “I love yous”, but somewhere along the way I did get why he’d acted the way he did.
Communication is key but what happens when that communication comes with emotional baggage? Baggage that is too heavy to be lifted by a crane. Or fear? Scared that the conversation will only bring more misery and sadness? We’ve all been there–scared to say what’s really going on but also hating how we’re not feeling the relationship. I chose to take it that way, booked my flight back earlier than I had I planned to, and eventually moved on. It was a great learning curve and I’m glad I realised what it was worth.
*Name changed to protect privacy.
