It is great when you find stability in a relationship. A long-term relationship not only offers us a chance to find an emotional anchor, but it is also good for sexual health. However, that last part only stands true if both you and your partner have been screened for sexually-transmitted diseases (STDs). If not, then you need to have the conversation with your partner as soon as possible–no matter how awkward that discussion might be. Wondering how to broach the subject with bae? We’re here to help you out. But first…
Here’s why you need to bring it up
We cannot stress how important sexual health is. The types of STDs out there–ranging from herpes, hepatitis B, chlamydia, HIV, AIDS, HPV, gonorrhoea, and syphilis–are just mind-boggling, as many of them are lifelong ailments with no cure. If you have a long-term partner, and both of you are each other’s only sex partners, then your chances of contracting STD decreases. Whether that’s the case or not, both of you need to sure of each other’s sexual health–because being infected is no laughing matter. So here’s how you can have the talk before doing the deed:
1. Make it a couple’s thing
The best way to approach this topic would be to involve yourself as a participant and not as a spectator. Let your partner know that you aren’t sure about the sexual health of your previous partner, so it is essential that both of you undergo this check-up at least once. If you are already screened, thanks to your annual appointment with the gynae, let him know that you’re in the clear and would love to help him go through the check-up as a loving partner who cares about his well-being and not just sex.
2. Base your argument on facts!
Although it is easier discussing some things with your long-term partner, you can be thrown off-guard by his reaction. So be prepared to answer all his smart, logical, and even dumb and obvious questions. Read up on common STDs like herpes and chlamydia, and even HIV. Let him know that a few of these diseases are as common as flu and do not have any symptoms, and that they can easily be dealt with if detected early.
3. Make it about HIS health
It is essential that you do not make it seem like he is source of all disease and you’re just worried about your health. A timely check-up will ensure that your partner is not left dealing with a life-long disease because he was too ashamed to get tested–and that’s exactly what you must focus on when having this conversation.
4. Discuss the future
Discuss the possible outcomes of the screening. Chances are that he’s reluctant because of a fear of rejection or judgment–so clear his doubts. You might want to have milestone sex after getting tested, but what if he tests positive? Talk about how you will discuss the future of your sex life with the doctor and how medication and treatment will put the two of you back on track. If you guys test negative, then you can go ahead with the celebratory sex, proud that you undertook an important step together.
5. It is more about responsibility than shame
You must instil in your boyfriend the responsibility for his own health. It is just like the old saying, you can lead the horse to the water, but cannot force him to drink it. The stigma attached to STDs, especially HIV, is something that he has to get over and choose himself over anything else. He will be able to do that only if he invests time, money, effort, and trust in the check-up and the follow-up appointments. Tell him that you may not leave him if he gets tested positive for any one of the hundred STD, but you might leave if he refuses to get tested. If he cannot prioritise his health, he will never prioritise yours.
