While growing up, I spent a lot of time with my father. He’d drop me to school and pick me up, watch cartoons with me, take me to the park, tell me bedtime stories, read me poetry, play cricket with me… the list of things we did together was endless. As a child, I always felt that this was completely normal. As an adult, I now realise that hands-on fathers are harder to come by than hands-on mothers.
Did having a hands-on father make me different from other kids? I’m not sure, but it definitely shaped how I view parenthood. It’s also made a significant impact on how I handle relationships with men (my friends say I have “positive” daddy issues where my dad set the standards high). So, how did having a hands-on father impact how I view parenthood and relationships?
I don’t see childcare as primarily a woman’s role
Many women and men agree with the idea that child rearing should be shared equally between the two parents (when the couple is heterosexual). However, agreeing to the idea is one thing, actually implementing it is another. In many instances, women end up putting their careers on hold to take on the lion’s share of the work when it comes to raising kids. This could be out of personal choice, social conditioning, or plain economics because India’s gender wage gap ensures that men just make more money than women, therefore, it makes more sense to have the man working.
While I may not have kids, I make sure that even raising our cat is a joint effort. I never go to the vet alone unless my partner is travelling. His feeding and litter cleaning are coordinated to involve both me and my partner equally. We both love our cat and we both make sure we share the work of keeping one safe and healthy equally.
I set boundaries with men
Being around my father so much made me see that men are perfectly capable of being thoughtful and sensitive beings. While many believe that “boys will be boys”, my close relationship with my father ensured that I hold men to higher standards. Men, like everyone else, have different priorities. If you are a priority for them, they will make time for you and give you the love and attention you deserve. It helped me set boundaries when it comes to just how much I compromised in my relationships. I was never an option while growing up, I see no reason to be an option as an adult.
Male role models are important
Children benefit from having positive role models. Research shows that young boys look up to older male figures more than anyone else. This is why so many youngsters hero worship figures like Virat Kohli and Amitabh Bachchan. If there is a positive male role model around, children are bound to emulate their behaviours. I learnt to love literature and poetry thanks to the fact that father loved them so much himself. Since I wanted to be like him, I ended up becoming an avid reader without realising it. This has benefited me in more ways than one because I ended up studying literature in one of the best colleges. This would not have happened without my father.
Each family is unique and love is love in the end whether it comes from a father, mother, sister, or friend. But, I am grateful that I grew up having a positive male role model who taught me so much.
