To those reading this, we have a question for you before we start with the most neglected topic. Have you ever had the ‘sex talk’ with your parents? We won’t be surprised if most of you say no you haven’t. Given that most Indian parents are coy when it comes to talking to their kids about sex, switching TV channels during a condom ad or intimate scene is a common occurrence. Unfortunately, it’s not considered to be as normal a conversation as any other topic is. It’s still a taboo in most Indian households with a certain level of discomfort creeping in.
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However, what parents fail to gauge is the fact that children these days actually know more about sex than they assume. In fact, younger kids are more interested in conception and pregnancy rather than the act itself. Even some adolescents might not be interested in the mechanics of the act but are intrigued when the sexual talk is going on with friends. We got in touch with Dr Sonal Anand, Psychiatrist, Wockhardt Hospital, Mumbai to help you all with a better understanding of why Indian parents need to be more open to discussing sex with their kids.
1. If you don’t, they will resort to other unreliable sources to acquaint themselves
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Since sexual activity is a natural part of growing up, children need to learn correct information from the right sources. If parents don’t talk about healthy sex then children will definitely rely on other sources like friends or the internet which may not always be correct or more importantly personalised as the way someone relays information and processes it varies from person to person.
2. It’s your responsibility to teach them about safe sexual behaviour
Parents are the most important influencers for a child’s behaviour and future decisions. The way a person reacts to a situation is mostly taught or adapted by copying the parent. So it becomes the parent’s added responsibility to teach the child about safe sexual behaviour. This causes less conflict in the mind after adolescence and better decision-making while facing a sexual dilemma.
3. It helps them to avoid sexual problems after marriage
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It is important to prevent sexual problems after marriage for a stable life. Many marriages get into trouble because of sexual differences. If the adolescent is taught about good sexual health then he/she already has an advantage. It has been seen many times that girls are absolutely clueless even after marriage and then have difficulties coping with their partners both mentally and physically.
4. Making them familiar with variations in sexual orientation is the need of the hour
Children need to be informed about variations in sexual orientation so that they know what to expect. Acceptance of other people’s orientation should be emphasized to remove bias regarding natural things like being gay/bisexual.
5. Most importantly, school them on good touch and bad touch
The most important reason is the safety of the child and preventing sexual misadventures in the future. Even ongoing sexual abuse can be halted when parents speak about ‘good touch’ and ‘bad touch’ to younger kids. Talking to an adolescent can help prevent sexual abuse, rape, Sexually Transmitted Diseases, and teenage pregnancy.
Parents should assess their children and start imparting knowledge according to their age and level of understanding from early on and build up gradually during adolescence. The younger child should be taught that all body parts are equally important and taking care of all the parts by washing and following good hygiene is how to stay fit. It is a good practice to call genital parts by their actual names rather than made-up names so that the child does not learn to shame sexual organs.
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Dr Sonal further adds, “Situational teaching according to age must be encouraged. A pre-teen should know about physical and hormonal changes so that he/she does not get scared of nocturnal ejaculations or monthly periods. Most of the schools do impart sex education so the parent could revise with the kid. It always helps to initiate age-appropriate subjects while watching TV together or during outdoor family time. Sometimes news and media cover abuse crimes widely. That is the best time to talk about safe sexual practices, avoiding being sexually led into a relationship, and abuse.”
Children and adolescents who have the right kind of information and banking from parents are known to have higher emotional quotients and better adaptive skills. It does not promote promiscuity. Good sex education helps the adolescent prepare for the future.
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