Great love stories often involve two people finding better halves who make up for all the qualities that they lack. The good girl falls for the bad boy, the bubbly, talkative girl falls for the reserved boy and the creative story teller falls for the banker. The focus on the differences is what makes these stories exciting for most of us.It’s easy to see how both partners could view the other as ideal.
However, when these differences are translated into everyday life, they become a lot less ‘cute’. Let’s just say you end up marrying the man who is a complete contrast to your personality – Will you still boast about him insisting on staying indoors, when all you want to do is head out to the movies? Unlikely! Now love comes with a little compromise here and there and everyone is willing to make that small adjustment.
But when two people are complete opposites of each other when it comes to personality, likes and dislikes, those compromises and adjustments become bigger ones… sometimes big enough to extinguish all the empathy and compassion in one or both partners!
For years on end, researchers have investigated what pairing makes for better romantic partners – those who are alike, different, or opposite. Since the early 1950s, scientists have conducted over 200 odd studies to determine whether similarity in terms of attitudes, personality traits, outside interests, values and other characteristics leads to attraction. In 2013, psychologists found, that the combined result of these studies proved an undeniable association between being similar to and being interested in the other person. To break it down for you, they found convincing evidence that “birds of a feather flock together.” When it comes down to it, people’s attraction to differences in another person is outweighed by the attraction to similarities.
A study published in the journal of Personality and Social Psychology, found a “paradigm shift” in how we view our relationships – “Picture two strangers striking up a conversation on a plane, or a couple on a blind date,” Bahns, the psychologist involved in the study said. “From the very first moments of awkward banter, how similar the two people are is immediately and powerfully playing a role in future interactions. Will they connect? Or walk away? Those early recognitions of similarity are really consequential in that decision … We’re arguing that selecting similar others as relationship partners is extremely common—so common and so widespread on so many dimensions that it could be described as a psychological default.”
So there you go – it’s scientifically proven… “opposites attract” is the cliché that is in reality, nothing but a failed theory!
