If every fight, every disagreement, every argument and even the slightest inconvenience starts to feel like the end of a relationship–you are in big trouble.
Ending arguments and walking away from them are two different things
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On the face of it, it is just an insecurity stemming from the past or maybe because there have been insufficient foundation-building efforts in the relationship. You might get into an argument, you both might say mean things and maybe block each other from just one social media platform. Then one of you will eventually contact the other and all will be well again.
However, deep down it is a toxic habit that has been formed where one can avoid accountability for their actions and go AWOL for a few days, and return like nothing happened. It will only add to future relationship anxieties.
Detox is the new ghosting and that is harmful to your relationships
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If you feel like your partner can walk out the door and never return then it will take a lot more than just ‘fixing’. It is a lifestyle habit that one forms. It is like saying you’re going on a social media detox and shutting off from all your apps and the people you are in touch with through those apps. But a deeper look will reveal that it is a euphemism for ghosting.
If you are fine with cutting off people without having to explain yourself then you have developed an escapist attitude. And such an attitude in a relationship is not just detrimental to the health of the said relationship, but also to any person who shares a bond with the person in question.
But if you are one of those who still wish to continue a relationship despite fundamental issues, there is a way you can work around this behaviour. Here is a step-by-step way to make it work with your partner:
1. Identify the toxic trait and accept it
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The first step is to always identify the problem. If you and your partner can tell this is a toxic relationship pattern, you will have won 50% of the battle. Sit them down and tell them how you feel about the vulnerabilities of the relationship and see if it is stemming from you or is it them (could even be both of you).
2. Write down your game plan for the next time an argument crops up
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After identifying the problem, get your pen and paper out. Write down the scenarios where the two of you have ‘almost’ walked out on each other. Now write alternative actions that you can take which do not involve ghosting, blocking, or walking away from the argument. It could be sitting in the same room till a resolution is reached, asking for a third person’s advice, or reaching a conclusion at the moment.
3. Discuss what a break up would mean to the two of you
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No matter how long a relationship is, the attachment and love cannot be measured with a scale. If the two of you love each other or wish to settle down in the future, then discuss with your partner what it would mean to you if the relationship ended. Knowing how the other person might feel could hold you back from impulsive decisions.
4. You cannot separate a fight from a relationship, so find a way to make it less harsh
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You will fight and you will want to walk out. But if you’re choosing to stay, then don’t make it look like a favour. Make a conscious effort to not act out harshly or say mean things to hurt the other person during an argument. Literally train yourself to stick to the present issue during arguments and not go back in time to bring out instances.
5. Claim responsibility of your partner and this relationship
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Care about your partner and never think that walking away is a solution. It is, on the other hand, adding fuel to the fire. Care about things, don’t be indifferent, and take responsibility for their happiness and your actions. Make them do the same. It will work wonders for your relationship.
These steps might just help you redeem your broken relationship, or they might show you that it is beyond repair. However, the end decision should always be yours. Don’t live with the guilt that you could have been somewhere else, but weren’t strong enough to move on.
Lead Image Credit: Tamasha/Sajid Nadiadwala
Social Image Credit: Fukrey/Farhan Akhtar
