Even though we are living in 2022, there are a lot of people who still equate parenting with gender. There are many people who think it is the mother’s job to raise the child and the father’s job to get the food on the table. Soha Ali Khan and Kunal Kemmu are here to talk about how parenting needs to change for the better!
The Bollywood celebs took part in P&G’s ‘We See Equal’ summit as well, where they talked about gender equality, raising children in this day and age, and good parenting practices. As panellists for the session titled, ‘Shaping Today’s Generation For An Equal Tomorrow,’ they talked about equal parenting and much more.
We spoke with the stars about parenting, boundaries, screen times, and much more. If you are a young parent yourself, you can read the excerpts out of our interview and pick the brain of the celeb parents.
Image Credit: Instagram/sakpataudi
iDiva: How do you share the parenting load?
Soha: “We share the parenting load equally and there are no tasks that are segregated by gender. In fact, I try to do what I enjoy more, like reading bedtime stories, taking Inaaya for bootcamp classes, and doing workouts together.
Kunal does what he enjoys more, which is cooking for her because they both are such foodies. He has a keen sense of style and they both enjoy dressing up so they both choose outfits for school together and try new hairstyles.”
Image Credit: Instagram/sakpataudi
iDiva: How do you balance fame vs your parenting technique?
Soha: “We are bringing Inaaya up in a way that we feel will contribute to her becoming the best version of herself. This involves a lot of listening to her and understanding what it is that she wants, instead of constantly saying no to her requests.
It is important to say no from time to time, but this should not be done at all times. It’s also very liberating and empowering for the child to hear ‘yes.’ We give her a lot of choices that are healthy for her development, and she can choose from within these options.”
Image Credit: Instagram/kunalkemmu
iDiva: What are the little things we can do to make sure our children are learning the right things at home?
Soha: “The little things we do at home to instill the right habits are things like watching our language and trying to use gender neutral language. Often, we reward children by appreciating a girl’s beauty or referring to boys as being strong and calling them superheroes.
Kunal and I try to avoid doing that.
Image Credit: Instagram/kunalkemmu
Even when it comes to the choice of colors with reference to her clothing style, we don’t take Inaaya to a particular section of a shop that has just pastels and floral fabrics.
When it comes to doing chores, boys should be encouraged to wash the dishes and pick up after themselves and girls should be taught to throw away the rubbish and do things that may require them to get dirty.
We must also encourage interactions by having play dates with girls and boys playing together. Inaaya’s friends come over, which includes both boys and girls and they play together.”
Kunal: “I think you must practice what you preach. A lot of times children learn from how they see their elders, such as parents and grandparents behave around them. It’s very important that you are careful of what you generally say and how you behave.
Kids sense all of that. Even when you’re raising your voice or losing your temper, you have to be careful about how you ultimately behave around them. The kinds of books you read to them, the kind of stories you tell them are also important.
One habit that we really wished to develop is for Inaaya to be around animals while behaving respectful of them and extending kindness to them and now she really loves them.”
iDiva: How do you have the important but difficult conversations–like consent–with your child at home?
Soha: “We have conversations about lots of things. The idea is not to scare the child, but to make them aware about things at the right time. As parents, we have to balance teaching them trust, good behavior and politeness with necessary precautions like safety, being aware of strangers etc.
Image Credit: Instagram/sakpataudi
Those are difficult conversations to have, but it’s important to have them. Personally, we’ve had conversations with Inaaya about consent and appropriate touches. We’ve taught her to say no when she doesn’t feel comfortable and to trust her instincts.”
iDiva: How do you think the role of parenting has changed for women based on when Sharmila raised you (Soha) to now, when you’re raising a child?
Soha: “I think today’s generation of parents is very involved in their child’s life. We visit our daughter’s school a lot more than our parents did. I think now people are recognizing how comprehensive it is to bring up a child.
They say it takes a village to bring up a child, it certainly does take a community and a neighborhood since everybody has to work together.
Image Credit: Instagram/sakpataudi
In terms of gender roles, I don’t believe that they are gender specific roles. The mother is certainly required to be there, but nowadays there are alternatives as well. Technology has made it possible for a father to be involved in a way that was not possible before. Isn’t that wonderful?
I feel when it comes to same sex parents, or single parents, this helps in catering to different family structures that exist, and it is imperative that we cater to all of them.”
iDiva: Do you sometimes find yourself performing the traditional roles of ‘mummy’ or ‘papa’?
Kunal: “We equally share responsibilities and we don’t define any one thing, as being ‘papa’s’ job or ‘mummy’s’ role. We are both better at things that we individually enjoy doing.
Image Credit: Instagram/kunalkemmu
We never defined our roles even as a couple, or when we got married. When Soha and I got married, it was always about what we enjoyed doing and never about what you’re supposed to do.”
iDiva: The #WeSeeEqual summit is all about doing away with gendered parenting norms that society has been forcing on families for generations. How do you do it at home?
Soha: “Conditioning definitely has a role to play. It’s about what children see around them. It’s from what we’ve seen our parents do that we are conditioned by. It can be very frustrating and challenging to be a new parent as it certainly involves an adjustment process.
But when we make mistakes, we own up to those mistakes around her and apologize for them, so at the end of the day, Inaaya has a chance to see that we are human, and humans make mistakes and there’s no harm in apologizing.”
Kunal: “Parenting and the roles each parent is supposed to do is not gender based. Tasks such as washing clothes, cooking meals, cleaning the household and going to work. It’s not necessarily a gender-based activity, that either a father has to do or a mother has to do.
I think this campaign of ‘We See Equal’ is an amazing step towards starting these conversations. I saw my father do basic chores from washing clothes to cooking food. Similarly in our household, Soha doesn’t enjoy cooking, whereas I love cooking.
And it’s important to have these conversations and talk about them because you know everyone is free to do what they really like and enjoy.”
Social and lead image credit: Instagram/kunalkemmu and Instagram/sakpataudi
