Getting out of a relationship is always a hard-and-mostly-dry pill to swallow. Fortunately (or unfortunately), everyone unites in this glorious department of heartbreaks. It’s like finishing a series you’ve binge-watched for weeks, and now it’s over–and you don’t really know what to do with yourself. Or your life for that matter.
Keeping aside the misogyny spewed out by cricketer Hardik Pandya recently on Koffee with Karan, the one thing he pointed out correctly are the three stages of being in the committed spectrum–seeing, dating, and in a relationship. Whichever train your Rahul is on, when it departs, a panic button inside you is instantly switched on. Most of our communication with everyone today is so all-consuming, especially in the case of those who belong to ‘’bae’’ status. Imagine having their Instagram profiles, their Facebook pages, and Whatsapp photos just lying there on your phone as a reminder. Getting over someone can make you do a lot of things that you don’t normally associate yourself with.
Going out a little too often, trying to get out of the boredom of having no one to text on the regular, a few extra right swipes on Tinder–all of that is fine. Whatever makes you feel more at peace. But that can be toxic too. I realized it after my first real heartbreak, and these are the things I learnt on my journey.
1. The big C
A lot of us hate change. While it’s alright to feel that way, it’s an entirely different matter altogether if you try to replicate what you shared with your ex. For example, you will not be able to find your soulmate on a dating app if that’s the expectation you have post break-up. If you sign up for one when in that head space, everyone kind of feels pheeka. There are a lot of really cool boys out there who will get you into a better place, and you’re shooting them in the face.
2. Sex and other things
When is it too soon to do it with someone else, or when is too long? Prateek Kuhad’s ‘Cold Mess’ describes it well–the whole relationship-sex equation and how much of it is intertwined in the millennial age of things. The truth? The first time after your ex is going to make you feel bad, and that’s okay because you learn what you want at the end of it.
3. Growth and progress
Jumping into another relationship to distract yourself is not going to fix anything. You cannot hand over your baggage to the next boy, who is even remotely attracted to you. Take some time off, read, go eat, and do things alone–because there are some lessons you need to learn from yourself.
4. Mistakes are meant to be made
Your post-breakup journey is going to have a few bumps along the road. You’ll catch yourself crying about some random memory at 2 am on a Tuesday, but make sure you process all parts of that thought before you wipe off the tears. There is going to be regret about that guy you randomly hooked up with at a friend’s party–but that regret makes for one hell of a story. Don’t take it too hard, because no one’s got life figured out.
