Countless articles, movies, documentaries, skits, plays, TV shows have been made on love. How does love work–we’ve all been trying for the last millennium to figure it out. Yet, we’re still as confused as when we started. However, if you notice, the one thing love will always do is build expectations. Before you jump to conclusions, here is why we say that.
How does it work
Expectations are silent tormentors, they come and go as they please. When you are falling in love with someone, it’s easy to think of beautiful scenarios with said person, even if they have not directed the conversation anywhere near that direction. Basically it is the adrenaline and serotonin levels inside you giving you the zeal to be a happier person, even if you are generally happy all the time. The thing with expectations is that no one kinda outrightly tells you about it but it’s something our brains will trick us into having, even if it is on the tiniest scale possible.
For example, oh, why hasn’t this person texted me yet or shouldn’t this person at least ask if I am okay etc etc. These are instances of your previous experiences with the person culminating into you thinking a person SHOULD be doing something for you or in your favour. The problem here is us thinking we are entitled enough to this much–that we deserve the amount we’ve justified to ourselves. This is a universal symptom of love.
One sided love vs relationships
In a relationship, there are mutual expectations that are built by both sides. Healthy couples will use the expectations as a platform to see their significant others flourish. Like, I expect my boyfriend to not slack at home everyday, can be seen as a positive expectation. Here too, the difference in expectation levels come into play–there are always going to be smaller, more micro ones that are present everyday.
In a one-sided endeavour, the challenge to not build expectations is a frustrating one as it comes with a side of internal questioning and self-bashing. When you love someone who doesn’t love you back, you are bound to feel like the world is not helping you out. It is here you must identify that this is an expectation that you have built based on nothing real–mostly on your self-perceived idea of what you deserve, at this point, at this moment.
What is the final assessment?
The answer is a big, fat YES. Love, no matter how satisfying and beautiful, will always build expectations in your head. From expecting a good morning text to expecting your partner to love you correctly, there are stages even within the same category. However, how you act on your expectations is the biggest takeaway you can get. Letting them overpower your relationship or having constant fights is not the best way of processing expectations. Healthier ways would include identifying which are truly positive for yourself and your relationship, if applicable, reducing the justification we all give ourselves and taking charge of our emotions!
Picture Courtesy: Ae Dil Hai Mushkil, Giphy
