From applying sindoor to wearing mangalsutras, chooda and toe rings, married women are conditioned to don these symbols of patriarchy in the name of love. However, Shardul Kadam, who calls himself a hardcore feminist, wanted to wear a mangalsutra on his wedding day. And he actually did. Defying the age-old patriarchal and sexist norm, Pune-based Shardul and Tanuja Patil stunned their family and relatives by exchanging mangalsutras on their wedding day.
Image Credit: Humans Of Bombay, Instagram
It is needless to mention that Indian wedding rituals are historically patriarchal, and still propagate a number of regressive customs and traditions. Talking about how it is regressive to only demand that women wear symbols of marriage, Shardul told Humans of Bombay, “I told Tanuja, ‘Why is it that only a girl has to wear a mangalsutra? It makes no sense!’ We were both equals, so I announced, ‘Even I’ll wear a mangalsutra on our wedding day!’”
Of course, this led to a barrage of questions from relatives and a massive backlash on social media. While a few hailed his decision and called it revolutionary, others were quick to write sexist comments like, “Now wear a saree also”, “Do you bleed once a month?”, and so on. In fact, even some liberals wrote, “This is not the way to support gender equality.”
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But none of that deterred the couple from bringing a change in the mindset of our bigoted society. Shardul recalls, “I remember, Tanuja asked me, ‘Is it going to be a one day thing or wear it everyday?’– I said, ‘I’ll wear it everyday!’ When Tanuja and I tied the mangalsutra around each other, I was so glad. A few male relatives weren’t happy, but they didn’t say anything.”
Elaborating on the bond he shares with his wife, he said, “Tanuja and I can define our relationship better than anyone else. We support each other’s work, believe in each other’s dreams, and are in this journey together.”
Image Credit: Humans Of Bombay, Instagram
The duo were in the same college but never really interacted. Four years after graduation, they reconnected unexpectedly and bonded over hating Himesh Reshammiya songs. Shardul recounts, “She’d shared a Himesh Reshammiya song on Instagram and captioned it as ‘torture’–I replied back saying ‘maha torture’…that’s how we started talking. A few weeks later, Tanuja asked me, ‘Let’s meet for chai?’ We met and spoke about work, movies, future plans. When we got to talking about feminism, I told her, ‘I’m a hardcore feminist’; that got her interested.”
Image Credit: Humans Of Bombay, Instagram
Shardul continues, “My parents were surprised; ‘Why do you want to do this?,’ relatives asked. I told them that marriage to me was about equality. And for some reason, the girl’s family is ‘supposed’ to bear the wedding costs, but I told Tanuja’s parents that we’d split it.”
Image Credit: Humans Of Bombay, Instagram
And, we must say, a partner who believes in men and women being treated equally is for keeps.
Congratulations, Tauja and Shardul!
Lead Image Credit: Humans Of Bombay, Instagram
