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Dear Ex, Here’s Why I Am Grateful To You Despite Your Abusive Behaviour

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Dear Ex,

Let me start with an apology. I apologise from the bottom of my heart that we had to split up, even though we promised to stay together forever. I know you blame me for it, and of course, I may have still a the b***h to you, your family, and your peeps. But I am not, because I just chose someone who respects me and my goals, something you never did.

I was always too strong-willed for you–at times even fierce. You wished to tame me but you couldn’t. Someone you wished to domesticate according to your whims and fancies. But here’s the thing: not all women are docile.

You chose the wrong girl. I was never submissive, even though I waited six-long years for you to be a little more respectful. I waited for you to stop dictating what I would wear or eat. I waited for you to stop policing my social media accounts and not say: “Mummy shorts mein dekhegi toh kya sochegi”. Wearing shorts or a bikini had nothing to do with my character, but it had everything to do with your mentality.

I never cooked for my parents, but I cooked for you. It didn’t matter if it was during the wee hours of the morning or at midnight. You demanded, I cooked. Yet, all you did was find flaws and ignore my efforts. I am glad I am not a part of a family, where a daughter-in-law is qualified to be ideal only if she knows how to cook and feed everyone else. I am glad, I am not married into a family where others decide what I get to eat. You never even thought twice before yelling at me in front of your friends and insulting me for no reason at all. Hell, I was forced to apologise just to satisfy your male ego.

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Then came the violent behaviour. When things got out of hand, when you lost control, and got aggressive. You threw stuff at me and then… then you hit me. And I let you, expecting you to change one day.

You even set my career goals for me. Even before we got engaged, you issued an ultimatum about my work life. I always looked up to you for advice and that made you feel superior. You never understood that I asked for advice, not your decision.

So if I am still a b***h, I am actually happy to be one. But I don’t regret the time we spent together. Yes, it was traumatic; but there were happy days too–and I am thankful to you for those nice moments. But most of all, I really thank you for treating me the way you did.

I say this because you made me realise that I deserve more in life, and you showed me how a man should never treat a woman. Had you not done this, I would have never met the man of my dreams — now, my husband.

He’s nothing like you. He accepts me and respects me the way I am, and so does his family. He listens to me, understands my fears, and pushes me to do better in life. Oh, and he’s my biggest critic–he never lets me give up on my dreams.

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I really thank you because you showed me how I should never raise my son. I now understand that education doesn’t mould a man, the values he receives during his upbringing do. Treat a woman with respect, she will give you the world. Try to be domineering, and you will be served.  

It’s actually not your fault, we live in a male-dominated society where women are supposed to be ill-treated. We are not supposed to voice our opinion and that’s what makes them the ideal daughter-in-law for the family. Not me because I am proud to be raised in an environment where men and women are treated as equals, and are taught to raise their voice when needed. I am proud to be raised in a progressive family where the length of my shorts didn’t define the kind of a woman I am. My intellect did.

So, leaving you was the best decision I ever made. It made me more focussed in life and helped me chase my goals without being pulled down every time. Right now, I am at the prime of my career and can elevate myself to higher levels without any fear.

I wish you well because I don’t have any grudges against you. I will just leave you with one thought: you missed out, I am the woman you should have been proud of.

Yours, well… not anymore.

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