“I don’t think we can be together.”
“Why? Because we had a fight today? See each fight can be resolved. If you think it is not working, you will know in a few months.”
“What does that even mean? I am pretty miserable right now.”
A breakup happens way before people call it quits. It is a feeling that begins and finally takes form when you walk out. It is not an overnight thing.
Image credit: Still From YJHD
I received the best advice on relationships and breakups a few months ago when I wasn’t looking for it. My boyfriend of several years taught me one thing about being in relationships–it is never easy. Even on the happiest days, we can still have our issues.
Relationships are not about seeking instant results, they are about patience and investment
I have had friends and cousins come to me asking for relationship advice. The range of topics discussed go from “I took a rash decision and broke up and I don’t mean it” to “I blocked him on WhatsApp and now he blocked me too.” All of them have one thing in common–they all want instant results from their actions.
Image credit: Still From Tamasha
Breakups are not easy. They hurt and they form the foundation of all your future insecurities. You might fight them and say that one relationship doesn’t affect the other, but we are all humans. Our experiences make us cautious, past betrayals make us doubtful, and an undesirable outcome makes us pessimistic.
What are breakups, if not just heartbreaks and a waste of time?
But that is not what we are discussing here today. Breakups have outcomes that are peculiar to each relationship. We are asking the tough questions- what are breakups, and how does one reach that point in their relationship?
Image credit: Still From Ek Villain
My mother once told me to never think I’m doing someone a favour by giving them a second chance.
It is you who wants it more than them right now and that is why you choose to stay in a relationship. Couples play a vicious game of powerplay. Whoever is at the ruling end of it, is happier in the relationship. It is a fact, true to the core, but rarely acknowledged by people in love. So what does trouble in paradise really mean?
A paradise for a couple is understanding, compatibility, patience to forgive, willingness to listen, and enthusiasm towards change. Then where does love figure? In teenage romance novels, young couples cannot keep their hands off each other and the story ends when they get married, assuming happily ever after.
A breakup is a string of events which push you to a corner
Adult love is mature and different from passionate emotions. When a relationship doesn’t work, it is seldom because of the loss of love. It begins with repetitive fights over the same issue that remains unresolved. It is the mean things that a partner said which are now etched in your memory like a note in your diary. It is the duty of being present in your partner’s life turning into a burden.
Image credit: Still From Badri Ki Dulhaniya
A breakup happens days, weeks and sometimes even months before you muster the courage to call it quits.
When you don’t feel like fighting anymore, things that made you insecure are now things you just have to “deal with” and you start taking time apart too often–the breakup of companionship and compatibility has happened.
Not all heartbreaks are breakups, not all breakups are heartbreaks; know the difference
If you or your partner hadn’t seen it coming all along then maybe you are rushing it to get a reaction out of them, whom you think has turned complacent. Distinguish between what you want: to move on from this relationship or your partner to work on it?
Image credit: Still From ADHM
It is not necessarily bad to want to work on a relationship despite the many problems as well. However, it doesn’t mean you become the person who puts in all the effort and then cries over the failure of it.
In the end, there is only one truth–you cannot change the other person no matter how hard you try. You can, however, only change yourself. And if this change means that you now seek a breakup, then know that it started from the day you stopped caring and not when you lost your temper.
Lead Image Credit: Rajneeti/Prakash Jha
