You, as a whole, are made up merely of memories. The only reason we cherish memories, is because we are almost completely composed of it. As cognitive psychologist Gavin Jenkins explained in a study that revolves around the concept of memory: “Your whole identity and personality – just memories. What else would it be? Skills are mostly memories for how to do things, with a minority component being physical hardware usually. Preferences are memories for what you like. Knowledge is all just plain old memories straight up. All the history of your life? Memories. Every person you love, you love because of your memories of them. If those weren’t there, it would be a random stranger in front of you. Your belongings, when they aren’t in front of your face, only exist to you as memories. Your bank account is meaningless if you don’t remember the PIN number, the balance, what bank it’s at, or your birth date. Everything requires memory; everything is made of and from memory.”
When it comes specifically to love, many of us turn to memories, to relive certain moments again and again. It’s like intentional nostalgia that allows us to revisit the past and go back to the good feelings that haven’t changed, even though the people might have. Neuroscientist Kayo Takahashi explored what causes the “feel good” factor in love, and the relationship between dopamine and memory. His study found that those who were injected with a compound that made the brain release more dopamine, had better memory. It proved that the brain needs a good dose of dopamine (the fluffy feeling you get in moments of a relationship) in order to store those memories, long-term. So to make things simple – those with a higher level of dopamine release, are more likely to have a better recollection of times in the past, than those who don’t. This is one of the reasons that those who are madly in love, and enjoy talking a walk (or hundred) down memory lane, are great at remembering details of a relationship – again, both a good and bad thing.
The way our minds function before, during and after a relationship can be highly complex, allowing biases to sometimes infiltrate our romance-related memories. Sometimes, we choose to focus on keeping the memory of a shitty person alive, because certain aspects of that particular equation made us feel good about ourselves. Other times, we switch our setting to selective memory, where we overlook all the wrongdoings of someone in our history, only throwing back to a happy time. However, what is also imperative to recognise is that all the things that get stored in our memories aren’t always what we choose. With the good stuff, comes the ugly, uncomfortable stuff, too. And there’s a possibility that it could crop up any time! So overall, while love could probably be good for your memory, given that it induces dopamine – the only way to safeguard yourself to an extent, is to be mindful of who you give your precious time to. As Ugo Eze, the author of the best-selling book Let The Games Begin said, be careful who you make memories with, those things could last a lifetime!
