If you have been feeling that your relationship isn’t enough or has too many problems, then let me tell you–you are not alone.
Several people across generations have felt the burden of carrying on an unhappy relationship. However, it is rare that someone will take the blame for a failed relationship. While you must always be open to walking out of a relationship, let me tell you one thing–there is still hope while you are in it (this advice only counts for unhappy relationships and not toxic relationships).
Below are some things that keep you from a happy relationship; if you relate to even half of the statements below, you can change it in yourself because it is never too late:
Image credit: Aashiqui 2
1. When you brush issues under the carpet
While it is advised to be a bigger person and let things go, a relationship shouldn’t be devoid of fights completely. At the end of the day, healthy relationships have conflicts and that is a universal truth. A little disagreement only pushes the relationship towards growth and not the other way around. If you have no fight left in the relationship, it means the couple is fed up or has given up on the relationship altogether.
2. When you don’t prioritise date nights
There is no end to how much intimacy you can build up in your relationship. It is always an ongoing process and the moment you stop putting in the special effort, it will create a void. Date nights are a way of showing that the relationship holds importance and value. There are several factors that may be holding you back from a date night, however, once a month is also enough to routinely check-in on the relationship.
Image credit: Hummari Adhuri Kahani
3. Your criticism overpowers intimacy
It is natural to dislike a thing or two about your partner, but once it turns into a nag fest then there is no coming back. It often turns into a volley of unnecessary criticism which eats at the intimacy shared by the couple and they soon start to resent each other, since a person cannot know joy when they are constantly made to feel like they are failing.
4. There is a lack of gratitude
Not always does a partner need to go above and beyond their normal expressions of love to make someone feel special. Or even to get their approval. It should come naturally to be able to appreciate your partner. Feeling appreciated, feeling heard, and feeling seen are all important markers of an intimate relationship.
Image credit: Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani
5. You guys don’t have enough sex
We all wish it wasn’t true but the end of a sex life often spells disaster for couples. It is a way for couples to show that they still desire each other no matter how much time passes in a relationship. Not having enough sex or no sex at all means that the couple has intimacy issues and has trouble being sexual partners, or has a deep emotional disconnect. It is essential to discuss this issue before it blows up.
6. Don’t stonewall
Maybe it is not you, maybe it is your partner who is shutting you down, ignoring you or otherwise stops responding to you in intense situations. But if either of you is indulging in stonewalling then it is a very unhealthy coping mechanism. Taking from the first point, stonewalling can look like a partner is trying to disengage a situation or argument but at the core of it is an attempt to control the conversation. Better to let it all out than to store overwhelming emotions in relationships.
Image credit: Student Of The Year
7. Couple who emphasis on having parallel lives
It is important for couples to have interwoven lives to a certain extent. If it comes down to you realising that you both have nothing in common despite putting in years in the relationship then it is a red flag. You can’t be on your own separate path and expect your partner to just keep up with your pace. The key is to check-in with each other, include each other in big things and small ones which you feel comfortable sharing.
8. Holding grudges and playing the blame game
If you are not able to move on from something your partner did or if they are not owning up to the trouble they recently created, then you both need to sit down and talk stuff out. A relationship cannot exist in a bubble where you both either keep things to yourself till you explode or keep pinning things on each other until one of you is exhausted. Learn to deal with hurt and don’t let it sabotage you now.
Lead: Ek Deewana Tha/Gautham Menon
