I am one to cut off friendships at the drop of a hat and move on. But recently I had a major fall out with one of the closest friends I have. Long story short, I was ready to let go of a sister and a beautiful relationship because I didn’t have the energy to make it work.
Days, weeks and months passed but there were no signs of reconciliation between the two of us. I didn’t think we connected any longer and I wished bad upon her too. I wanted her to not be a part of my life. But truth be told I was afraid to mend it. I was afraid of the confrontation and the fight. I forgot about it until that former best friend opened a line of communication again. Through this phase, I learnt how to mend a broken relationship and reconnect with my best friend.
Here’s some simple, helpful, and expert advice (the expert here being me) that you can try:
1. Make the first move
No point contemplating sitting on your ass. As soon as you think that something needs to be done, get up and do it. It is also applicable to most of the other things in your life too. But here just picking up the phone and calling or text them is the best thing you can do for your friendship. Don’t send a simple “hi”, pen down something meaningful like you would in a handwritten note.
2. Discuss it in person
If you cross the ice-breaker phase then move on to the next part–ask them to meet you. Do not discuss it with them before. Especially not over texts. I know you’ll be tempted to just say sorry but that would mean you’re shoving things under the rug and not addressing them. Remember when you fought and went a long time without seeing each other, that adds to the miscommunication and sounds harsher on text. Being in person allows you each to speak your mind, and apologize where needed.
3. Do not beat around the bush
Don’t keep the fight for the latter half of the conversation. You’re better off addressing the situation from the get-go. If you have so much history together, there is definitely no point in beating around the bush and being awkward when you know they will see right through it. When it has to be brought up, it is essential you bring it up as soon as possible.
4. Own up to your part of the fault
No one is completely at fault. But during a fight, you tend to put it all on one person. So identify and own up to your mistakes. Being defensive or making excuses will only make things worse. You can either end the fight here or lead it on to become an even bigger one.
5. Decide what it means moving forward from here
In the first meeting, you should be able to tell where this is headed. Are you two willing to work on your friendship and mend it or are you two here for closure? It shouldn’t be that one of you is looking to make it work while the other is considering this meet up as the pack-up phase of feelings. That hurts.
6. Be realistic and give them time
If you decide to give it a chance then know that you cannot go back to being the best of chums in a snap. You need to take your time, continue with the efforts, and give time too. You might think that one discussion is enough but people tend to hold on to things that hurt them more than the things that make them happier. So, keep the reality of life and human nature in mind. Your best friend will come around.
