If there is one place that leaves room for the most random and most awkward small talk in the world, the elevator would definitely be it. It’s almost like people walk into the lift and automatically the on-switch in your brain flips! Seasoned conversationalists can be found staring at their phones, while fresh entrants stare at the floor signs with utmost concentration–giving all their acquaintances a sign that says, “please make small talk with me’’.
The uniqueness of this situation emerges from the fact that this can happen in your apartment building or your mammoth office. Either circumstance is painfully awkward. You can also add an occasional gym lift here and there–for which we are truly sorry.
Imagine wearing your dressiest going-out clothes and running into your third-floor-wali aunty, or going down from your seventh-floor office to get a delivery and bumping into the HR–such situations warrant for some awkwardness. Since we all unite in this uneasiness, we realized there is a common script for most of these unavoidable convos.
Here are the most common ones:
1. “So, what’s up?”
This is the initiation point. Everything from here is going to be in the short-replies category. Now, this question has a fundamental flaw. What’s up…. where? What does this generic statement entail as a proper response? Someone please DM us the correct answer, because saying ‘’sahi’’ makes things even more awkward.
2. “How’s work going?”
Again, generic 101–but still better than its predecessor. When this is asked, most of us internally want to scream: ‘’Eff this job, I’ll just become a stripper’’, but respond only with: “Oh, it’s all good, going great!’’. Matters become much worse,if the person you’re stuck in the lift with is actually your boss and you become tongue tied.
3. Mummy, papa kaise hai?
Since this three-minute-long lift ride refuses to end, this question is a natural progression for people who’re encountering this at home. Actually, work too if someone knows you vaguely well enough. It’s a toughie to crack because: a) you cannot bitch out your parents to a stranger; and b) you do not want to come off as a person who talks like this about their parents. This one too, just like the others is met with a ‘’hmm, they’re good only!”.
4. The weather is so nice
Enter generic statements about the weather. Be it bad, good, or hurricane-like–this question is bound to come up. It’s the top commandment of the small talk space. It’s non-committal and cuts out any possibility of getting personal. You’ll have this conversation so many times, we wouldn’t be surprised if you can make a presentation of all the responses. Also, expect pollution to make an entry at some point in the conversation.
5. What are your plans for today?
This one is for office lift buddies. It’s not like you’re going out with the person in question, neither will you be really telling them about how turnt you’re going to get at night–so why bother? But people still will ask you this question. Well, if you want to know Saurabh, I’m going to be doing shots at the bar and crying about my ex till 3 am. Byeee!
