No matter where you are in your dating life, alone or in a long term relationship running into several years, people will always have something to say. It doesn’t matter if you asked for their advice or if it was unsolicited, it will come your way nonetheless. Going over each dumb nugget of relationship advice shared over the years, to several women, here’s a list of 12 most common stupid pieces of advice on dating:
1. “Your time will come too”
Not every single person is actively looking for someone to date or get married to, but thanks for telling me this at the opportune moment of my friend’s engagement.
2. “Maybe if you were more *insert a trait they wish you had*, you would be more dateable”
If I were not me at this moment, you would be going back home with a blackeye. How about you let me be?
3. “When you know, you know”
I am sorry that the person you’ll date will have to live up to some mystical and unrealistic expectations of love and companionship. I am fine being practical and working on mine to build a bond rather than base it all on a single moment of uncontrollable desire and emotion of love.
4. “Don’t end up paying on the first date, they’ll make a habit of it”
Neither does that person have to foot the entire bill, nor do I (unless necessary). We can both go dutch like adults and split the bill. Even if I end up paying on the first date, I wouldn’t like to make a mountain out of a molehill.
5. “Try a different outfit, or maybe a whole new wardrobe and haircut!”
Basically, you mean if my pointed nose were a little rounder, my long face diamond shaped, my neck longer and my clothes something that a certain type of man approved of, i’d be dateable? You could have just told me that if I stopped being me, then people would like me better. Thank you.
6. “The moment you stop waiting for it to happen, it will happen”
If you stop talking, I won’t have anything to ignore. Simple.
7. “If you’re with the right person, everything will feel right”
Again, I do not know who propagated the idea of a “perfect relationship” but not everything feels great and flowery just by being with someone. Other things in life matter too. Like friends, family, a career, education, vacations and good food–they add to the richness of life.
8. “You are so social, you must be meeting a lot of prospective ‘the ones’”
No, I did not step out today thinking I am going to score a partner. I have friends, and I have acquaintances whom I end up meeting when I go out. But again, I am not actively looking for “the one” if I am single; I might just be looking for a one-night stand.
9. “He needs to *insert a sacrifice* to prove he cares about your presence in his life”
Often people end up second-guessing great relationships because people feed them weird ideas of gratification and sacrifices. If he doesn’t buy you a nice necklace, or that dress you looked at for 30 seconds, or send you dessert at 12 in the night because you were craving it, then he’s not worth it. That makes people wonder if this is what a perfect relationship entails, then a certain barter system is required to legitimise the feelings. But no, if you and your partner are happy together, all this is unnecessary.”
10. “Why did he not have a condom”
Because he is not the only one having sex and I can also carry a condom.
11. “Wait three days before contacting them”
So I am supposed to drive myself crazy and maybe even push them away because I want to build their interest in me. I don’t want them going on another date thinking I ghosted them.
12. “Abide by the five-date-rule for a long and loving relationship”
If he thinks anything about my sexual drive and character apart from “wow”, he is not welcome.
