When you’re consumed with thoughts that make you sad or depressed, you begin to believe that’s the only thing that is wholly and dedicatedly yours. And as problematic as that may sound, it’s a condition that affects more people than we would like to admit to.
There’s a strange comfort in being sad. One, which our generation has taken to quite effortlessly. It’s the kind of mental space in which you think, “I wish I didn’t feel this way…” but subconsciously, your body and mind has been doing everything to ensure your current state doesn’t change. Because of how messed up this thought process is, it’s often hard for us to accept it, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t there. There is a perverse lure that makes it unchallenging to slip into such a frame of mind, rather than find your way out of it. Think about it. It’s no wonder we inflict more pain on ourselves when we’re heartbroken, by listening to those ‘Channa Mereya’ category of songs on repeat, knowing fully well, that if anything at all, it will only add to our misery. So what’s the fear? Is it the risk of not being able to adjust to the new version of you – one that is free of any emotional baggage and hence, out of your comfort zone? Maybe.
According to psychologist and mental health expert R. Alford, “A person suffering from depression, can’t wrap their heads around the condition all at once. It’s a slow process, just like getting to know a new person – or making a new friend. While it may feel like something that’s on the back burner; not affecting your immediate life or experiences in anyway, once you begin to crack the code and get into the intricacies of it, you’ll realise that it has become the foundation of your identity. Hence, sometimes you begin to find security and comfort in simply knowing that this is who you are, and that your depression or distress is something that will inevitably make a comeback into your life, come what may.”
Since only a few things in life come with a guarantee, those battling mental disorders often look for things that can anchor their faith. It’s the certainty of your condition that brings about solace that this is your identity and no matter how you try, you can’t get rid of it. Sure there are days on which your brain may somersault into reality, shattering the imaginary world and beliefs you’ve made up for yourself… but it won’t be long before you’ll reluctantly but nevertheless inescapably chase agony, ache and despair.
“So how do you ever break free from the chains of this?” We asked Alford, who is the senior counselor and psychiatrist at 1to1help.net Pvt Ltd, Bangalore.
“Well, the most intimate relationship we have isn’t with another person, it’s with our own thoughts. They are our closest companions that have the largest impact on our lives. As surprising as it is, usually people who are addicted to ‘doom’ or dark thoughts, are highly self-aware, and know that the sadness or depression they’re feeding off is destructive. So, in that case, the first step towards normality would be to develop the will and want to let it go. You have to break the habit,” she said. “It’s tricky and challenging when I work with people who have imposed this boundary on themselves; because at every turn and twist, they look for reasons and excuses to retreat back to the familiar. They need to be determined or even curious enough to at least explore what lies on the other side. Only then can significant change be brought about,” Alford added.
So in conclusion, you can try from now until you’re blue in the face… but until someone doesn’t seek freedom from this state of mind themselves, there’s not much you can do. I guess that’s why they say… you can’t save the damsel if she loves her distress!
