The first thing you realise after being diagnosed with a mental illness is that people start treating your brain like a free-for-all which can be scrutinized, analysed, and judged by them. Having a mental illness is bad enough without people coming up to you and telling you all the ways in which you can combat it.
But even then, your “woke” friends dole out tips, supposedly sensitive men don’t get it, and worse, your family treats you like a project. Today we are going to look at some of the actual, dumbfoundingly stupid pieces of advice I have personally encountered, rank them in order of annoyingly-idiotic, and share a few tearfull laughs over it all.
6. “Don’t talk about your problems so much. That’s why you’re depressed” — an ex-boyfriend
A unique solution, this one came from someone who claimed my depression depressed him, and the best way to deal with that was for me to shut up about my issues. According to this person, depression exists because we talk about it so much. If we stop talking about it, it goes away. The only thing that went away after this was this man from my life. If you have mental health problems and someone who claims to love you tells you not to talk about them, run as far away from them as possible.
5. “Just go shopping, buy some dresses” — an actual licensed psychiatrist
There’s nothing like seeing a good licensed therapist, but my first experience with a mental health professional proved to be quite the opposite. The doctor in question was a psychiatrist, not a psychologist, but claimed to be a therapist as well. She wrote me a prescription of antidepressants, and in the name of therapy, condescendingly said, “What is wrong with your life? Just go out, go shopping, buy some nice dresses!” I still wonder if she had some deep-seated issues related to shopping that she was struggling with, because this was in no way related to anything I had told her about my mental condition.
4. “If you don’t feel like going out, meet us!” — well-meaning but deluded friends
For some people, the depression of those around them is a personal affront. “How dare she be depressed when a wonderful person like me exists to light up her life?” Despite being well-intentioned, this is one of the most tone-deaf responses to someone struggling to even step out and wash their hair. When someone is depressed, it’s not with respect to one person. It’s a general condition. So, if I can’t get out of bed and get myself to socialise with anyone, what makes you think I can do it with you? The only thing it does is prove that you are not someone who is understanding of my struggles, and puts pressure on a person with mental health problems to worry about bruising your big ego.
3. “Don’t worry, be happy” — WhatsApps from relatives
We are all for positive thinking, but it’s a stretch to think you can just imagine depression away like you’re Tinker Bell armed with a bag of pixie-dust to make you fly. One of the first ignorant trysts with solutions that I came across not long after being diagnosed was this gem from relatives trying to be problem-solvers. They might not know you well or anything about your situation but they feel like they have done their part by giving you their two cents. Well Anita aunty, since you’ve said it, it must be true. Now I’m cured!
2. “If you’re depressed, you will get better by throwing yourself into work” — an employer
An employer who exacerbated my anxiety and depression with passive-aggression, bullying, and constant pressure to work at odd hours said the solution to it all was working more. What is interesting about this situation is that many people who actually trigger symptoms of mental illnesses are the ones going around giving people wisdom on how to tackle it. This unsolicited advice, in fact, often comes from people after they bully you till you break, so that they can shift the blame onto you by telling you what YOU can do differently.
1. “ It’s all in your head. You can be happy if you want to.” — a boy who I hope gets caged in a zoo
The oversimplification of a disease plaguing the body’s most complex and understudied organ by those who have no understanding of it, is truly mind-boggling. There are sadly many educated, privileged, well-read people who think mental illness is a construct of the mind which is mentally ill. Even if it is, how is a diseased mind supposed to cure itself of the disease which is preventing the treatment in the first place? Happiness is elusive for many people seeking it. That doesn’t make us people who enjoy misery, but thanks for the TED talk.
