Hi, meet me! I don’t fit any of your typical standards of beauty. I am not fair skinned, I talk really loudly, I boss people around and get things done, and on top of that … I am a plus-sized woman. One glance at me and you probably won’t look again, but, guess what, I DON’T CARE. No, really, I’m not saying it to sound “cool”; rather I’m in a place where I genuinely cannot be bothered about your opinions… because who the hell has the time?
I’ve been in this zone for a while now – putting on weight thanks to bad lifestyle choices, an abiding, deep love for cheese and a complete lack of time or energy to work out. It’s not a good place to be in, mainly because it’s important to be healthy (not thin, mind you). However, since I am in this space, where being fat overshadows everything else (literally and figuratively), there have been a few life lessons that I’ve learned and accepted, some taken with a pinch of salt and a few with a whole lot of tears. Starting with learning to dress smart (vertical, not horizontal stripes), and learning to develop a bad-ass attitude.
You > People
It’s surprising how much we let society influence us to fit in a preconceived mould, along with everyone else. The moment you put on weight or decide to not get married or refuse to sit at home or get into a relationship with more than one man, you understand how quickly society judges you. Following all those rules, living life in a way arbitrarily defined by the masses, and worrying about what other people think is exhausting. The day you stop fitting in, you’ll realise that you never needed to anyway!
Look beyond the way people look
Because people rarely see beyond the way you look, you learn from their mistake. Instead of starting a greeting with “Hey, you’ve become so fat, or so thin,” you learn to appreciate other things instead. Refraining from making negative comments about people may not stop them from doing the same to you, but you at least have the satisfaction of being the bigger person (pun, unintended). When you have been party to both sides of the coin (I was also really thin once), you realise that people treat fat people differently. Saying things like, “WOW, you look good,” implying that you’re surprised someone could look good despite being overweight, is not a compliment. It’s judgment and completely unnecessary. Maybe 2018 will make people more sensitive to others but, till then, I’ve learnt to look beyond size and colour and genuinely care for people!
Fat is not BAD
Yes, being fat or obese can really mess with your health and you do need to focus on being healthy. But, instead of letting my weight making me feel ashamed, insecure, not good enough, or even ugly, I’ve learned to talk about my problems openly. Today, anyone who asks why I am fat hears all about my crazy work schedule that leaves no time to work out. I am also more than willing to talk about my bad lifestyle and ask for alternatives; you never know when you could get a good suggestion. Another thing I’ve learned is that not everyone who asks you why you are fat is judging you. Some of the comments come with a genuine concern and after three years of being plus sized teaches you to differentiate between those. I’ve started listening to people with an open mind, going from completely shutting down when people spoke about my weight to now hearing them out, I’ve opened up about it. And, why not? Being fat can be talked about, we don’t need to associate shame with that. Of course, I still meet people who say things like, “But you used to look so good when you were thin.” Well, I guess everyone is learning!
You need the acceptance from you
One of the most important lessons that my beautiful plus sized body has taught me is that I need to love myself. The day I transitioned from hating my form to appreciating the way I looked, and thanking my stars for being healthy despite the excess weight, is when I also stopped letting comments bother me. Yes, people will be mean, they will probably not learn to look beyond the frame, they will make you feel like a loser for picking a XXXL sized dress, but you do have the option to tune out. Hear them out, try to look for concern over judgment and learn to give yourself some major self love!
