If your parents grew up in the 50s and 60s, the idea of seeking therapy was most likely not even a common thought. I, for one, have often heard my father say, “There was no such thing as rushing to therapists for every problem that we faced. Our generation didn’t suffer from anxiety and depression while growing up.” And before I’d go on to exploring the possibility that maybe that was because they were not as aware of these things as we are, he’d typically add, “This is not a mental health disorder, this is all a lifestyle issue.” Ah, let’s talk about that – the infamous ‘Lifestyle Issue.’
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To understand this further, I got in touch with Neha Banik, Msc Counselling Psychology from 1to1Help.net in Bangalore. “There’s still very much a stigma around mental disorders, which is embedded so deeply in our society that even though we may think we’re extremely progressive, we still have deep set, backward ways to tackle the conversation around mental health issues. Having said that, some of our elders could actually be correct when they say they didn’t experience depression and anxiety like we currently are. However, what needs to be noted here is that our generation is plagued with the vices brought to us via technology, making us more susceptible to developing cognitive turbulence.”
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I’ve tried to explain the concept of therapy to my dad. I’d never would have imagined the need to do so, given he’s the ‘cool’ kinda father – the type who’d usually understand this stuff, you know? That’s why his arguments have been rather alarming to me. He once said, “I don’t understand the need to pay a stranger to tell you something that you already know… or something that I could tell you?” My mother added, “Having a therapist is just fashion nowadays. It has become a business.”
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So everytime we bring up the topic of therapy, why do our parents bring up this ‘lifestyle issue’ and insist that we don’t need one? Neha shared, “Some parents can be blind when faced with their own children’s issues. As parents we all love our children very much, so it can be confronting to be told that something is or could be ‘wrong’ with them. Also, we often don’t know what to expect… We can’t always differentiate between what behaviour is normal and what is not. When parents say things like ‘lifestyle issue’ they believe it’s your living style that needs to be corrected – nothing more. They may not realise it themselves but this is easier to believe and deal with than your child having mental health issues. Plus, the taboo around it doesn’t help either.”
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Of course, I didn’t forget to ask for a solution to this. How do I convince my parents that therapy is healing and indeed required? Neha suggested, “Most importantly, you need to tell your parents that seeking therapy does not mean something is shamefully ‘wrong’ with you. They need to understand that just as we take medicine to cure physical pain and diseases, therapy helps relieve mental issues like clouded thoughts, depression, anxiety, trauma and more. There is absolutely no shame in seeking therapy and the reason why it is highly recommended to see an expert for these things is because we’re trained to identify behavioural patterns that others can’t. Sure, your parents can advise you on matters and guide you… but they will not be able to untangle your thoughts as effectively as someone whose expertise lies in doing so.”
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If that doesn’t work, she further suggests that one should go for it anyway. “If you feel the need to speak to a therapist, I’d recommend you do. Not everyone has to understand or accept every decision you make, especially when it comes to your own well-being.”
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