Human beings are defined by their families. Especially in India, the ‘family’ becomes a very important unit in social and physiological terms. Indian families are best described as a concentrated hub of interests, hierarchy, and traditions.
However, what happens when your family’s traditions and beliefs do not match with yours?
Some families, especially desi households, have very strong opinions about right and wrong, and these opinions are usually passed down through the generations. As a large number of Bollywood movies have suggested, sometimes ‘parampara’ is too hard to break out of without tragedy.
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In these times, it is important to remember the youth in the family as well. Young children who are figuring out their identities, sexualities, and thought processes are often forced into a rigid way of thinking because of their biological families and their history.
This is detrimental to their mental health, physical health, as well as their sense of self. ‘Parampara,’ ‘pratishtha,’ and ‘anushasan’ might work as the motto of a Gurukul (questionable), but they might not be the correct words to use while raising a family.
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A ‘found family’ is when a group of unrelated people come together to create their own social unit or ‘family’ based on shared experiences, heightened understanding, and closeness. This family is usually not created via blood ties, just a general sense of liking each other.
Family is not only what we are born with, we have the power to choose our own families as we grow older. This has special relevance for people who have been disowned or alienated by their families for being LGBTQIA+ or divergent in any way.
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India is a country that is slowly moving towards a greater acceptance of queer people and issues, but there are still a lot of people who resist the positive change due to various reasons. Religion, social behaviour, and plain old bias can stop people from accepting their children.
It is not uncommon to see kids who have been disowned by their parents because of inter-caste marriages. Similarly, it is pretty common to see youth who have been driven out of their homes because of their alternative identities.
In these moments, groups of friends, supporters, peers, other close ones, and even adopted children can become your found family.
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Family is not always something you are born with. It is okay to leave your biological parents or siblings if you are unhappy, abused, or put down in a domestic environment. It is also okay to love and care about a group of friends who support you, and see them as family!
Home is where the heart is and sometimes, hearts do not always remain at biological homes. We have to search a little for a home that accepts us for who we are and who we want to be!
Social and lead image credit: iStock and Instagram/sushmitasen47
