The taboo around mental health is finally breaking. Depression, which is one of the most common mental health illnesses, is now being talked about, and we have more awareness about it than ever before. That said, it remains a disorder that is associated more readily with women than men. Clinically, too, depression sometimes manifests differently in men. To understand why this is, consider the fact that for many generations now, sadness has been an emotion which is not readily accepted in men, while in women, it is almost expected. So, when a man is struck by this debilitating disease, he may become more angry, or snappy than usual. Or, he may take to the bottle, or start overworking. If there is a man in your life who may be going through depression, bear in mind that how you show him support may be different than what a woman would need.
The stigma that a man faces, when he is diagnosed with an illness like depression, is much greater than a woman faces. Bearing this in mind, it is important that you don’t shame him, or make him feel less than. For a man, it is not easy to talk about depression because most men in patriarchal societies are never taught how to emote. He may become silent and aloof, or get engrossed in activities that keep him distracted from the inner turmoil he is facing. Acknowledge these behaviours, without passing judgement, or offering an analysis of the situation. Talking doesn’t come easy to most men, and he may want to try to make himself feel better by doing things rather than analysing things.
Because men are not as open or comfortable talking about depression, it often goes undiagnosed. This is where you can help the most – in helping him understand what is happening to him. Point out the changes in his behaviour, give him literature to read so that he can educate himself, share anecdotes of other men who have suffered from depression in order to normalise it for him. Slowly and gently, help him come to terms with what is happening.
It may be difficult for him to seek professional help because of the stigma attached to depression. But, he needs treatment. As someone close to him, you can try and break the stigma around going to see a mental health professional, and encourage him to seek help. If he is comfortable with it, you can maybe accompany him for the first few appointments.
Any mental health diagnosis may come with feelings of shame and guilt. You can help break the shame by keeping things as normal as possible. An individual with depression is not incapable or disabled. They may be limited in their capacity to do certain things for a period of time, but that should not keep them from doing what they can. Involve him in daily activities, give him responsibilities, and try to keep life as normal as possible. Remind him that there’s nothing fundamentally wrong with him, both in words, and actions.
