Before joining my new job I had time to bring my pimples under control and look decently presentable. In my head, if I had clear skin, I wouldn’t have to care about what I wore or how my hair decided to dry–I would look beautiful. People have their own idea of beauty and this was mine— glass skin even on the worst days of my life.
Cratered skin quickly translates to lowered confidence
Unfortunately all the creams, ointments and face masks did nothing for me. Even when my pimples subsided, I did not have clear skin, I had to live with the scars those pimples left behind. A lot of things are accepted as beautiful in today’s time, all sizes, all colours, all hair types, all teeth, but not pimpled skin.
The joining day at my new job arrived sooner than I had imagined and I wish I could cover my face with a paper bag before I entered work. The lifestyle and entertainment tag made it even harder for me to not focus on my looks. I was working in a place where Internet sensations and influencers work. My insecurity hit me hard. For the first few days I dressed impeccably, sat in one corner till it was time for me to head back home and just get out of there. I don’t remember interacting with another coworker for the longest time.
Then came the day I spoke to Stuti, a senior writer in our department. It was regarding work, obviously, I wanted her help in a process I did not understand. But all throughout, my attention was focused on her skin. It was just like mine. She had pimples, pimple scars and blackheads. I felt like I found company in my misery.
Company in misery or someone to pull me out of my insecurity?
It wasn’t until I started opening up and made friends at work that I realised Stuti wasn’t a partner in misery. She was indifferent, rather happy with her skin. She too had tried everything for her skin, and her beauty writer tag made me believe that she definitely knew better than I did. She was still better off than I was. She knew the art of makeup. She knew which base foundation and concealer went with her skin type, what blocked her pores and what caked up on her skin. On the other hand, I didn’t have a single makeup product to my name. I was scared that lipstick would enhance my pimple scarred skin and that foundation would make me look like a clown.
Confidence emanates from within, not from the surface of your skin
All this changed around after I started to hang out with Stuti more often. She wasn’t bothered and shut down those who showed their “concern”. She owned her skin and found comfort in it. She surrounded herself with people who loved her for who she was and steered clear of people who shared unwarranted advice on her skin, body and life. She was confident in her own skin and attracted that energy around her.
All thanks to her, I too started to emanate that same energy soon. I did not learn makeup overnight, but I became comfortable with both, my pimple scarred skin and dark lipstick shades. I openly let people know I didn’t care about clear skin any more, and slowly I started believing what I said out loud. Stuti and I braved the camera bare skinned (AKA sans any makeup) with caution thrown to the wind.
We ran up to the terrace, got a few shots, ran back down to our work desk, back to all the pending stories waiting for our attention. We didn’t obsess over our own pictures, didn’t zoom into our red spots, and just like that I was over my skin insecurity all thanks to a colleague. Honestly, I still try to solve my pimple problems, but that doesn’t affect my social interactions any longer.
