I’d like to begin by saying that I have lovely, loving parents. But they are what one might call ‘classic Indian parents’. They believe that they are the best thing that could happen to any child. They cater to their kids needs, provide them with food, shelter and education, they give them enough freedom and just like all others, expect the world in return for these deeds of kindness.
Every desi parent ever: mental health is a scam!
These are the same people who don’t understand homosexuality, believe that depression is an excuse, that identity is defined by parents and overall mental health is inconsiquential when dealing with sensitive children.
I should have known all this when I felt like I needed a professional to hear me out and help me untangle my thoughts and problems. All I wanted was help to choose a shrink who would be in my budget. I had lately seen a pattern with myself. I was always eating, it wasn’t the hunger that I was feeding, it felt more like emotional hogging. I cried at the drop of a hat, harboured negative feelings in almost all aspects of life and was turning my boyfriend into a punching bag.
I turned to my mother when I felt emotionally lost and this is what she had to say
Since I was close to my mother, I thought I’ll bring up the topic with her. One morning before I went in to take a bath and get ready for work, I sat down for an early tea with her. I circled the topic, nervous to say the word ‘shrink’. I was using vague sentences like– “Mom, I think I need to talk to someone,” “I think I need a professional listen,” and even “It would be great to talk to a stranger you know, who offers solution based advice.”
After a while of beating around the bush and giving away as many hints as possible, my mother blurted out, “Are you talking about a psychologist? A shrink?” I gave her a nod of approval. Just when I thought I had crossed the bridge on fire, my mother said something I didn’t expect her to say– “Are you kidding me?”
“People like you don’t need a shrink!”
“You don’t need a shrink! You are fine! If people like you need therapy what will happen to people like us?” She not only dismissed me, but also insinuated that I was ‘normal’ enough to not get therapy or whatever little help I think I wanted. I tried to tell her that people can just go for therapy just to declutter their mind, get rid of negative thoughts or just seek help for their anxiety.
But I couldn’t say anymore than that, since she kept reiterating that I am fine and I am just getting swayed because my best friend goes for therapy, at one point she even try to say something on the lines of, “Your best friend sees a shrink so you think it is cool to go to one.”
Maybe not all mothers are intuitive
My throat was heavy and I was again about to cry, but I chose to hide it from her. I called the same best friend she had referred to late and told her angrily what went down. She told me what I already knew, “Babe, no matter how sad this sounds, Indian parents do underrate therapy.” She suggested I don’t share this with her anymore and just do it for myself. She helped me get an appointment with her therapist and promised me of secrecy. But somehow I cannot get over my mother’s reaction. Not even once did she stop to think or see if all that is well is maybe just on the surface.
More on mental health at iDiva:
These Stars Got Candid About Mental Health And Normalised The Conversation
Dear Boss, My Mental Health Is More Important Than This Job. Please Understand
Deepika Padukone Gives An Empowering Speech On Mental Health At Davos
