While most women my age have either already had a child, or are having one, or want one, I fall on the opposite spectrum of horror at the thought of bearing a child. It’s not so much raising a child that terrifies me. I believe I’ll make a good mother, should I ever become one. But, it’s becoming one that is the problem.
We know that pregnancy is no cake walk, and certainly no blessing for the body. It stretches out parts that shouldn’t stretch out, and compresses organs that shouldn’t be compressed.
Pregnancy takes a toll on the body, and many women never fully recover from it. Not to mention, the agony of childbirth. Again, this is something that is common knowledge. Every woman knows how painful it is, and how it can leave scars that may never fade. But, for most women, the physicality of having a child doesn’t mean much compared to the joy of raising one. Yes, science tells us that the rush of oxytocin released right after child birth makes it all okay. But, even without this piece of trivia, many women consider pregnancy and childbirth a blessing.
It may well be. Or, just plain science. But, to me, it is terrifying. No, I’ve never been pregnant, and I hope to God I never get pregnant! The thought of my belly expanding, and another human being kicking against my organs doesn’t excite me. On the contrary, it troubles me. May I dare to say that it even disgusts me! I confess: Thinking about bearing and birthing a child disgusts me.
Some time back, award winning pictures of child birth took over the Internet. These pictures celebrated the moment of a new life breathing their first, and the umm… should we call it painful exaltation of becoming a mother? Point is, these pictures showed an honest, brutal, and real side of giving birth. Everybody went gaga over these images, and comments about the miraculous, almost divine beauty of child birth were rampant. Any guesses what I thought when I was those pictures? I thought that child birth was gross.
I understand anxiety and nervousness about getting pregnant. Every woman faces it. And it is as much about the physical as it is about the emotional. But, being put off by it seems like a bit of a stretch. So, I began to wonder if this is normal.
Turns out, there is a legitimate fear of pregnancy and childbirth that many women suffer from. It is called tokophobia. Symptoms include:
- Feeling dread or panic at the idea of pregnancy or childbirth
- Going through child birth only and only with elective Caesarean
- Anxiety or depression during pregnancy
- Avoiding pregnancy even when there is desire to have children
- Fear that childbirth will cause death, still birth, miscarriage, or birth defects
I wouldn’t self-diagnose, but clearly tokophobia is another women’s issue that is not spoken about enough, but in all likelihood, faced by many women. Fear of pregnancy does exist, and it is legitimate.
