Over the last year, there have been endless surveys and research about how couples are struggling to keep the spark alive despite being together 24×7. Sexless marriages and the passion going out of the bedrooms have been one of the most widely reported topics under mental health during the pandemic.
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With so much going on around us, couples are finding it hard to feel sexually aroused towards their partner, where physical intimacy has become the least of their priorities. And somewhere, it has started impacting their mental health. To understand how, when and what exactly is affecting your sexual health and sanity, we got in touch with psychologist Ann Philipose to help our readers have a better understanding.
Things that hamper your sexual and mental health
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Stressing the major sexual health issues, Ann explains, “Major depressive disorder (MDD) can also cause impotence and erectile dysfunction in men and sexual pain and loss of desire in women. It can impact how desirable they feel, conscious about their bodies. The depressive phase on the other hand makes it difficult to connect with others sexually. Depression, if untreated, can make one feel unworthy and uncomfortable. They feel as though they don’t deserve to be loved. In this case, they find it hard to get aroused and perform sexually.”
Here’s why your mind and body are out of sync
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Anxiety contributors can be things like having trouble getting aroused, painful intercourse, vaginismus for women, erectile dysfunction for men. Arousal non-concordance condition is when the mind and body are out of sync during sex — the body is aroused when the mind isn’t, or vice versa. It happens for both men and women with anxiety and depression.
OCD and eating disorders can also have an impact on your sexual life
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Apart from that, OCD is also one of the major causes people have that leads to immense anxiety surrounding sexual activity. “They feel uncomfortable, constantly pressurized and very uneasy. Often they’ll find excuses not to engage in any sexual activity. On the other hand, OCD can result in hypersexual behavior, preoccupation with sex to the extent where it becomes an issue and has an adverse impact on mental health. Often there is no middle ground,” added Ann.
Ann further explains how bipolar disorder can make someone feel out of control of their sexuality. She elaborated, “May see increased libido during mania, impulsive/risk-taking behaviour, sex with anonymous partners. This is due to all the energy that needs to be expended, sex is one of the ways.”
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Another major cause that hampers your sexual health is eating disorders. She explains, “It impacts a person’s self-esteem, body satisfaction, and physicality — areas linked with sexuality. Impairing their sex lives, reduced drive, fear of rejection and intimacy.”
Here’s how you can deal with it
There are a few things that can be done to help people overcome their lack of arousal and its association with mental health.
Firstly, you need to go to a trained certified psychologist who can help you identify the reasons behind your anxiety, depression, mental health-related ailments and help you address them through constructive therapy.
Secondly, you need to slowly start to engage in self-care, the smallest of things can help like clean food and exercise. Lastly, I think if medication is required to address the situation, it can be done so after consultation with a psychiatrist. A lot of times people feel they don’t deserve to be loved. So their body closes off and so does their mind. The trick is to unlock them both and help them become in sync with each other.
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Make sure you educate yourself about your symptoms. Communicate with your partner about your needs and triggers. Seek therapy to understand your cycles and create new patterns and support systems. Practice solo sexual activities, like masturbation, to discover what you like and what arouses you so that you communicate better with your partner. Masturbation is also a form of self-love, to explore and discover pleasure, taking one towards the path of body acceptance and building a positive body image.
Lead Image Credit: Ki & Ka, Eros International and Hope Productions
